A Small Voice

Chapter Twenty

"I will thereforechastise him, and release him."Luke 23:16

After class with Tammy, I headed back to my dorm in a daze. The fall air felt crisp and pronounced, like it didn't want to fit it in, or be subtle; it wanted to be noticed. Every gentle breeze felt like the hand of the reaper, those cold, ancient fingers brushing my face, like a mother coaxing her child to sleep. Taking in my surroundings, all I could see were living things in the process of dying. A beautiful, yet deadly plague, alive in the vegetation.

It was oddly comforting.

Tammy really rattled me, and my mind was wholly on her. She made such a powerful impression. Her confidence, her independence, her fuck you world smile. I prayed she didn't find me too weird.

A few cool raindrops started to fall. I stopped and looked up, opening my mouth, like I did as a child. Most students were participating in activities, so the path was empty and lonely. I must have looked a little crazy, but it felt good not to care, to be just myself for a moment.

Closing the door behind me, I headed to my bed. I needed more of Tammy. I needed to see those hidden places, even if only in my imagination. I tossed off my pants and slowly removed my shirt, not wanting to agitate my back, then slid into my unmade and unwashed blankets. Closing my eyes, I willed her to come to me, conjuring her image. It was foggy, misty for a moment. I closed my eyes tighter and she became clearer, her head cocked back, her reddish hair wild and unwashed. She smiled at me. I felt an unknown tinge, a vibration, and I felt accepted. We were walking through the woods together, tall looming trees looking down on us with their ghostly shadows. I could hear them whisper. They sounded old and wise. They were talking about me, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. It made me feel nervous. She could sense it and touched my hand; I gripped hers softly. Looking up, you could see the sun between the high branches. It was a vivid orange, a mighty ball of fire watching and leading us. Then, without even realizing it, we had wandered into a field of golden wheat. Flat and yellow for as far as the eye could see. Huge prairie skies and playful fluffy clouds danced in a sea of blue. We pushed through the hollow sounding shafts of wheat, crunching some unfortunate ones under our feet with each liberating step.

"What is this place, Tammy?"

She just smiled. She put her arms out straight from her sides, like a beautiful silver crucifix hanging on the neck of a Catholic nun. She let herself fall gracefully into the thick heads of grain.

I laughed and did the same. It felt amazing to let go. Gently, I rolled on top of her, my cheek resting atop her cleavage.

"Do what you want, Dan. Anything you want, anything you can imagine," she whispered.

"Really?" I asked, unable to hold back a menacing smile.

"Anything."

I pulled her shirt up, so it covered her neck like a scarf, revealing her body from the waist up. Her large breasts were moving up and down with the rhythm of excited breaths. She had no bra on, and her breasts were sprinkled with pastel red and brown freckles juxtaposing vividly against her pale white skin. I put my mouth on her right nipple and began to suck. It was immediately aroused, long and firm. I twirled it with my tongue and then sucked again. I noticed with each suck that my mouth began filling with milk. The more I tasted, the more peaceful I felt. All the perverted ideas of what I could do to her vanished, and now I longed only for her milk. I needed more—it made me feel normal, confident.

I heard a loud bang. Then another followed it, with a hyper, cheerful yell. I jumped off of Tammy and looked for the sound. Suddenly it was dark, pitch black, with just my alarm clock and the numbers 11:14 illuminating. I heard another bang and realized some guys in my dorm were playing soccer in the hall.