Our Broken World

Chapter 7

We walk for only a few hours before I already need to rest. My leg hurts a lot and I can't just keep going. I need to rest.

We stop next to a stream to fill up our water bottles. We've walked most of our path in silence, but now Blast breaks it. I'm grateful to him, because it was really awkward when everybody was as quiet as a mouse.

''So, you know our boy Ghost huh?''

Dylan is down by the stream, so he can't hear us.

I nod. ''I know him as Dylan,'' I add.

''We know his real name. But when we were in Iraq, Ghost suited him more.''

I smile and say: ''Hm. I think it would've suited him more even back home. He totally ghosted me.''

Blast laughs and says: ''You know, we once asked him if he's got a girl of his back home.''

I look at him expectantly.

''He said he had a girl at home, only she wasn't his. I'm assuming he was talking about you?''

I nod again and can't help myself when a smile creeps onto my face. I was a girl and he was a boy, but we weren't each other's. God knows we wanted to be, though.

''He can be pretty blatant and emotionless sometimes. The war did that to him. To all of us. But he's a good guy. I think that when he's with you, he allows himself to be Dylan instead of Ghost,'' Blast suggests and smiles. He looks into Dylan's direction, who's still down by the stream filling our bottles. 

I follow Blast's gaze and rest my eyes on Dylan for a short while. Then I sigh, look back down at the grass and tell Blast: ''I don't know about that. If it were true, he wouldn't be ghosting me again when we get to town.''

Although when I think about it ... the first time he left me, he did it as Dylan, before he was Ghost.

''Well, still, he clearly cares about you Taya,'' Blast say and smiles at me.

Does he really? I think to myself. Then why is he just letting me go again the moment my leg is treated? What is he so afraid of this time?

Dylan returns from the stream, his arms full of filled water bottles. ''I'm done. Can you keep going Taya?'' He says, his eyes conveying a kind of tenderness that I'm sure only I can see.

I nod and try to get up, but while I'm doing that, I feel a sharp pain spread through my leg and wince. It's so bad, I have to sit back down. I shake my head.

''Well, we have to keep going if we want to make it to town before dusk. I'll have to carry you,'' He says.

''Like hell you will,'' I say coldly. I am not letting his strong arms touch me. I'm still mad at him, remember?

''Do you want to stay outside in the middle of the night? You were the one who told us about the Mixed, and that they mostly attack at night. It's your choice,'' He says seriously, but also upset.

''Are you trying to make me even madder?'' I snarl at him. I don't care if there's a hint of kindness in his eyes and a tad of worry in his voice; I'm still angry.

''Taya. I'm just stating the facts,'' He says calmly. Right. He's just stating the facts.

''It's gonna be dark soon and we need to get to town before that. You want to get to New York as soon as possible, right?''

I hate it when he's right. I really do.

I sigh and finally give in, saying: ''Fine.''

He steps closer to me and puts his arms around me. I hesitate, but I know I have to put my arms around him too. When I do, he sweeps me of the floor in one swift movement and starts walking.

We've never been so close for so long. The silence is awkward and the closeness of his face is really distracting. I look at his full lips. I only kissed them a few times in my life. The last time was at the airport before he left. And right now, I want to kiss them again so badly.

I look away, but I know he saw me eyeing them. Eyeing him. Awkward. I remind myself he'll be leaving me when we get to town. I feel the anger swirling up again. He's gonna leave me again; it's what he does. I truly did fall in love with a ghost.

We start falling behind the group a little bit, so we're alone and they can't hear us.

''So you're just gonna leave me again when my leg is better? Just like that?'' I say, with sadness and disappointment in my voice. I really thought he loved me. If he did, he wouldn't be leaving me.

''You're better off on your own. Don't worry, you'll find Mikey by yourself. I know you will,'' He responds.

''What if I don't? What if I can't? What if something happens to me?'' I ask him.

He shakes his head and says: ''You've become so strong. Nothing will happen to you. You'll make it.''

Now I'm the one shaking my head as I say: 'Why won't you just come with me? I know Mikey means as much to you as he does to me. If not for me, do it for him. He's the one who needs our help.'' I practically beg him.

He looks at me with sorrowful eyes. ''I do love Mikey. But I can't risk it, all of us travelling that far, for so long with you.''

''Why? What do you think will happen? What are you afraid of, Dee?'' I look at him.

My eyes meet his and I see fear in them. And something else. Pain.

''They may follow me now, but ... You saw what Jonah wanted to do. And we let him. We didn't stop him, we never do, 'cause he's one of us. A soldier,'' He says quietly and sadly. Like he's sorry he doesn't stop it, like he regrets it. I think he really does.

''If it hadn't been you ... I wouldn't have stopped him. But because it was you ... I was prepared to kill him. That's what I'm afraid of,'' He adds.

Even though I am appalled, I understand in a way. They are soldiers, comrades, in a lawless world. They stick together no matter what they do, like me and Mikey stick together. But maybe I am an obstacle in their trusted, brother-like relationships. In a weird way, it shows how much Dylan cares about me. He'd be ready to hurt his brother in arms for me.

''Okay... But they won't hurt me anymore, right? Jonah won't touch me again. You told him not to,'' I point out.

Dylan sighs and says: ''But he won't stop being Jonah. And Benson ... is a bit better, but very similar. I don't want you to witness the things we do, the things we – I – let happen. The things I let them do. I just think ... you're better off without us, Tay, really.''

His brown eyes stare deep into mine as I say: ''Well I don't agree. I think I'm safer and better off with you by my side.''

He smiles and presses me harder to his chest. I gently lay my head on his shoulder as he keeps walking. I close my eyes for a moment and enjoy the feeling of being carried, shielded and protected by him. Even though he plans to leave me in the next couple of hours and I'm still a bit mad at him, I can't deny the fact that I still love him. Even after all this time; it's like the feelings never even disappeared. It's like all that time apart never even happened. Like we're back to being two people that love each other, but their love is forbidden. Only now, there's nothing preventing our love. There's nothing holding us back anymore. Only ourselves.