Our Broken World

Chapter 24

As we're walking back to the others, a thought occurs to me.

''You know, all of Rick's ideas were insane, except for one. He was right about one thing,'' I say.

''What?'' Dylan asks, taking my hand in his.

''You could teach me your skills. You know, how to fight. Handle a gun,'' I say to him.

He raises an eyebrow and stares at me for a moment, before saying: ''You want to learn how to fight and use a gun?''

''Well, I could use skills like that in this world. I mean, I'm not defenseless. I can handle myself, but ... I'd be even safer if I knew how to protect myself properly. Or how to attack,'' I say. 

So far, I'd always rely only on my knowledge from watching movies and reading books if I was in a situation that required fighting, or better yet, defending myself. I tried to stay away from them, of course, but there were a few times when some more force was necessary. I used my wit and the tools that were around to help myself, but I never knew how to fight. True, living in this horrible world made me tougher and stronger. Physically and mentally. But knowing how to fight did not just come as part of the package. I wanted it to, though. I've always wanted to know how to fight. And I now have a chance to learn.

''When Jonah attacked me, I was helpless. If it weren't for you ...'' I say, but don't finish the sentence, because we both know what I mean. He squeezes my hand, either to show me that he knows what I mean, or to reassure me he'd never let that happen. I hope it's that last thing, but it's probably both.

''The point is, maybe if I had better knowledge of fighting, I could've saved myself from that situation,'' I add.

He stops and looks at me. I do the same and tell him: ''I'd feel a lot better if I knew how to defend myself better. Wouldn't you?''

He gazes at me for a while and I can't quite figure out what he's thinking. Then he smiles and says: ''Okay. Training begins next time we stop.''

I smile widely at him and squeeze his hand back.

When we reach the others, he lets go of my hand and for a moment I'm scared he doesn't want them to see us holding each other's hands. I'm afraid he doesn't want to admit in front of them that we're together. That he loves me.

He stops in front of everybody and I know he's about to say something. So even though I am still a little bit afraid he's not willing to show our love to the others, I position myself next to him to show I support him. In anything. It's a small gesture, but it's not meaningless. To me, it's very important.

''I need to tell you all something. I'd really appreciate it if you listened,'' He says. I've never heard him ask for attention. He's become a lot more humble.

TJ nods right away, Benson follows his lead and Jonah just sits down, but it's sign he'll listen.

''I know things haven't been the best between us, but I want to fix that. Look, you are my brothers, my comrades. You're my soldiers and I trust you. I'm sorry if I've lost your trust or if you don't want to follow me anymore, but I just want to say that you're my brothers no matter what,'' He tells them.

He looks at me, takes my hand in his, and all my previous fears dissipate as he says: ''But I love Taya. And if my love for her and my loyalty to her bothers you, then I'm sorry. I can't leave her because of you. You all know I wanted to. I knew something like this would happen, trying to drive us apart. I wanted to protect all of you and her. But I realize now that I can't leave her. I'm not the same without her. But I'm also not the same without you. So I'm asking you, if you want to, if you still want to be my brothers and trust me, to follow me, as I follow her. If you don't want to, I'll understand. Just know that you'll always be my brothers. And I am sorry that we lost one of our own. It was my job to protect him and I couldn't save him. I will take responsibility for that. But I can't bring him back. I can't change the past, but maybe I can change the future.''