Our Broken World

Chapter 29

The guards yell for us to lower our weapons and get on the ground, but I can't because I am incapable of moving. Dylan gently puts his hand on mine and whispers: ''Tay, I know it hurts, but you need to do as they say.''

I can't, my mind tells me. I can't move, I can't think, I can't talk, I can't breathe. Even my heart has trouble beating. If I don't do as they say, they'll shot me. They'll kill me. Maybe that's the one thing that I can do. I can die. I should die.

Dylan whisper again: ''Please, Tay. I can't lose you. I need you. I love you.''

As he says those words, something in me shifts. Something in my heart changes. In that moment, I realize that if I die, I'll leave him here alone, without Mikey or me, probably feeling even worse than I am feeling right now. And I can't imagine anyone feeling worse than me at this moment.

I can't do that. I can't leave him alone. I left Mikey alone, I let him go, I failed him, but I am not doing that to Dylan. I am not failing him too, I think to myself.

I open my eyes and look at Dylan. His gaze holds so much sorrow and pain, but also so much love. He nods at me slightly and smiles. Still holding my hand, he motions for me to lie down with him. So I do; I get on the floor so the guards can handcuff me. They lead us into another hallway and then throw us into a cell. They leave one by one, but before the last one goes, I pluck up my courage and yell at them: ''Hey! Who's in charge here? I want to talk to your boss.''

The guys look at me suspiciously, especially Dylan. He's confused; he doesn't know what I'm doing. To be honest, neither do I, I'm improvising. Because the one thing that I do know is that I am determined to get him – and the guys – out of here. Mikey might be beyond saving, but I can still save Dylan.

''I have some information for your boss. I know about a new breed of the Mixed. One that would be very interesting to add to your existing collection. And I know exactly where to find them,'' I say. Maybe I can exchange the boys' release for the information about the new kind of the Mixed that we encountered on our way here. At least that's my plan.

But the guards don't seem that interested in it. They just laugh a little and leave. But God, I hope they'll be back.

Dylan comes close to me and says: ''What are you doing? Why did you say that?''

''I have a plan to get us out of here,'' I tell him.

''Really? Cause your last plan got us into this cell, you know,'' Benson says angrily.

Then he adds: ''I'm starting to think following you was just one big mistake. Look where it got us. We're in a cell, waiting to be slaughtered by the Mixed and our goal, rescuing your brother, is also lost now, because he's dead!''

His last words pinch my heart, and it bleeds a little and skips a beat. He's dead. He's dead. I'm never gonna see him again. And it's my fault.

''Benson!'' I hear Dylan shout as he steps closer to me.

''I'm sorry. If there was anything I could've done ...'' Dylan says softly.

''It's okay,'' I cut him off. ''It's not your fault. It's mine. I couldn't save him, but I can still save you. I lost him, but I am not losing you too. I got you all into this mess and I'm gonna get you out of it. I have a plan,'' I repeat and then look at Benson as to reassure him that I know what I'm doing. Even though I don't. But I want him to know that I am determined to get them out. I'm not letting anybody else die because of me.

''Tay, it's not okay. It wasn't your fault ...'' Dylan starts, but I don't let him finish.

I look at him steadily and say: ''Dylan, it doesn't matter whose fault it was. Mikey's gone and I'm never gonna see him again. You have no idea how much that hurts and the fact that he was my responsibility, that I lost him on my watch, makes me hurt even more. This hurt will never go away. But I'm not losing you to; not if I can help it. I am saving you. All of you. I can't let anybody else die or get hurt because of me. I can't.''

He's looking at me with extreme heartache in his eyes. But there's also understanding in them.

Slowly he nods and says: ''Okay. What's your plan?''

I sit down, next to the guys, and explain to them what I want to do.

Then I add: ''Benson, I'm sorry that following me got you into this mess. I'm sorry I got you imprisoned in a cell. But I'll get you out. Or I'll die trying.''

Benson responds: ''It's okay. Sorry I lost it before. I know it's not your fault; you were just trying to rescue your brother. And I'm sorry about that too. For what it's worth, I'm actually impressed. You're really holding up well in a situation like this. Gotta be difficult.''

I nod in understanding. But I can feel the severe, razor-sharp pain spread through me every time someone mentions Mikey, so I really hope no one does that again. Otherwise I'll just start thinking about the fact that he'll never walk beside me again, that he'll never smile again, that he'll never hug me or Mr. Dino again ... I shake my head a little to get rid of the paralyzing, handicapping thoughts. I really can't deal with them right now. I can't think about him right now. There'll be plenty of time to grieve and blame myself later. Now, I've got to stay focused. The problem is, in this moment, there's nothing I can do but wait. And it's killing me. How can you not think all the time, when you've got nothing to do, but sit around and wait?

I guess Dylan senses the turmoil and unrest that my pain is causing, because he gently rubs my shoulders and kisses them, trying to reassure me. ''It's gonna be alright,'' He says. It's never gonna be alright again, I think. But God, I truly hope I can get the guys out of here.

I lean my head against Dylan's chest and close my eyes, so there's nothing around me, but pure darkness. At least there's the feeling of Dylan's touch.

He's got his back pressed against the wall and I'm sitting in his lap, in his safe embrace, with my head against his shoulder and his neck. My eyes are closed, but suddenly I feel a deep urge to open them. When I do, I realize why. Huge tears suddenly start pouring out of my eyes. Even though I don't let out a single sound, tears flow down my cheeks and I know there's no way I could stop them. I don't even want to. I just let them make their way from my face down towards the floor. I hug Dylan even tighter and I know he feels my tears even though I'm completely quiet. He holds me even closer and kisses the top of my head as I cry silently.

Some time after I stop crying, a guard comes to our cell. He taps on the bars with his rifle and says: ''Boss wants to see the girl. Just the girl.''

I wipe my tears away and get up, but Dylan jumps after me saying: ''No, no way. Either I go with her or she doesn't go at all.''

The guard unlocks and opens the door, points the rifle at us and says: ''You are in no position to make demands. Let's go, girl. I'm not asking.''

I turn to Dylan and say: ''It's okay. I'm gonna be okay.''

I press a short, but tender kiss to his lips, wondering if it's the last time I'll ever get to kiss him. God, I hope it isn't.

Then I follow the guard through the door and down the hallway, where two others await us. We leave the room, and go across another hallway.

While we're walking across it, a group of children passes us. Some of them look tired, exhausted, like the blood of the Mixed has worn then down. Or maybe the fighting, but I notice they have no wounds, no injuries. Some of them are barely walking, some barely keeping their eyes open. Poor kids, I think.

I look from child to child as we're passing them, observing their small, tired, expressionless faces, feeling sorry for them. And then one of the faces stops me dead in my tracks. It's Mikey.