✔️STRONG [L.S]

[31]

{LOUIS' POV}

   *December 24th, 2014*

   "Are you serious?!" Dr. Clifford smiled warmly at me, nodding his head.

   "You've been making tremendous progress lately. I have no reason to keep you here any longer. Of course you'll still need to be monitored by your family and friend's...But you're free to go." I was smiling so wide by this point that I though my face was going to split. I jumped from my seat, throwing my arm's around the man.

   "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He patted my back, chuckling.

   "Happy Birthday Louis."

***

   About an hour later, after my parent's had signed all of my release paper's, I found myself sitting in the booth of a restaurant just around the corner. When I stepped out of the door's of the building for the first time in about 6 month's, I felt like a new man. I felt refreshed, happy. I felt like...myself. I wasn't that same depressed 22 year old from before. No, I was changed. I felt as though I accomplished so much since being checked in there, and a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulder's. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as my eye's scanned down the menu.

   "So Louis..." Mum began, sipping at her water. I glanced up at her, still smiling.

   "How are you...uh...'feeling'?" I knew what she meant.

   "Honestly? Absolutely amazing. I feel like a whole new person." I said, scratching my chin as I skimmed down the menu. Silence towered over us once again.

   "So we're going to be heading home tomorrow." I froze, a realization suddenly dawning on me. Home.

   "I...I need some air." I rushed out, standing up from my seat.

   "Louis!" My mum called after me as I practically ran out of the door. I walked down the street a little way's, stopping to sit on a small bench. I buried my face in my hand's. Home. They say home is where the heart is...and Harry is here in Mullingar...I would be going back to England to an empty flat. Alone. But I was sure my parent's would make me live with them for awhile. I could tell that they were still shaken from when I tried to...you know...yea...I took a deep breath, leaning back against the wood of the bench. If I could just...see him again...How long has it been? Six months?

   "Louis!" I heard the frantic call of my mother, and turned to see her and dad, turning the corner, frantically searching for any sign's of me. When she spotted me, she busted into a full sprint, throwing her arm's around me tightly. I tuned out as she lectured me on running off, saying how I scared her half to death, thinking I was going to try something again. I chewed on my bottom lip, wanting to ask her if she knew where Harry was. But I knew that even if she did, it would be a no go. She would be afraid seeing him would trigger me again. But I had to get to him somehow.

***

   "Louis darling!!" Maura exclaimed as I walked into her home.

   "How are ya love?" She asked, pulling me into a tight hug.

   "Great!" I said, hugging her back just as tight. My parent's came in behind me, cutting off the cold wind's as they shut the door.

   "Lou baby? We're going to start packing our thing's so we catch our flight on time. We wanna be home in time for Christmas!" Mum exclaimed, walking down the hall.

   "Hey mate how are ya?" I heard Niall's loud voice ring out. I turned around to see him on crutches, walking out of the kitchen. (Of course.)

   "I'm great. Have you heard anything new about your knee?" I said, walking over to him. He sighed, shaking his head sadly.

   "No I don't know what I'm gonna do." I clapped him on the shoulder.

    "I'm sure it'll all work out." I gave him a smile, watching as his parent's left the room. I glanced around once more before leaning down to whisper in his ear.

   "Have you been to visit Harry?"

   "What?"

   "You've been visiting me...but have you visited Harry?

   How is he?" He shook his head slowly.

   "No I haven't...but...why..." He trailed off.

   "Why what?"

   "Why do you still care...after all he's done to you...after he..." He paused, swallowing thickly.

   "Raped you?" I flinched at his word's.

   "How do you know it was him?!" I whispered harshly, gripping the front of his shirt.

   "Your mum..."

   "He just needs help Niall...That's all..."

   "Louis...He-"

   "I love him Niall!! I just...I need to see him again."

   "I don't think that's a good idea Lou...What if he say's something to...trigger you again..."

   "Niall I'm better now...I have a will to live...and that...that will is Harry...I need to see him again, but I know my parent's won't have any part of it." Niall paused, watching me carefully. He let out a deep sigh.

   "Mate, if you want me to help you..." He trailed off. I waited silently for him to continue, watching as he glanced around. He shook his head.

   "No...No I'm sorry Louis I can't help you do something that almost killed you."

   "Niall please I-"

   "No Louis!!" I flinched at the roughness of his voice.

   Niall never got angry. He wiped furiously at the tear's that fell from his eye's, breath becoming shaky.

   "I'm sorry...but no..."

***

   After a quick goodbye to the Horan's, we called a taxi to take us the airport. We checked in and got our ticket's, so all that was left was to wait for our flight to be called.

   "Are you excited to see the girls?" Mum asked, rubbing my back.

   "And Ernest?" Dad piped in. A small smile reached my lip's, and I nodded, shifting in the hard plastic chair.

   "Flight 78." A woman suddenly called over the loudspeaker. Mum jumped up.

   "That's us Lou bear. C'mon! I'm so excited to get home." She rambled on about how much Doris and Ernest had grown since the last time I saw them, and I just nodded along; smiling. But on the inside however, I was breaking. Every step to that terminal broke my heart just a little bit more. As the flight worker took our ticket's, and ushered toward's the hallway that lead to the inside of the plane, I realized something. I couldn't do this.

   "I can't do this..." I whispered.

   "What was that Lou?" Mum asked, turning to me with a smile

   "I can't do this!" And with that I turned around, and took off.

   "LOUIS COME BACK!!!!" I didn't look back. My feet were pounding furiously against the floor, and air was rushing loudly past my ear's. I saw the turnstiles come into view, but I didn't miss a beat, and jumped over them. Before I knew it, I was busting through the door's of the airport, and taking off down the street. I didn't look back.

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BECAUSE ANY WORLD WHERE I DON'T LOVE YOU IS A WORLD THAT DOESN'T EXIST.