Our Love (Sandor Clegane AU)

Not Good Enough

It had been two weeks since Sandor had walked through the flames and disappeared. It had also been two weeks since I had left my little studio. A part of me had hoped we would have found Sandor in the shed, but then I also felt guilty for feeling that way. If it had not worked he would have been hurt or worse killed. I knew he was back where he belonged now, but that didnt stop me from sleeping with his cloak each night and praying he would return.

After two weeks, Sally and Gwen had showed up at my flat and tried to force me out. It was no use though, my body felt old and tired, my heart broken. When Dave had showed up the next day though, I had no choice, but to get up and dressed. He had managed to keep my boss happy with my sudden and unexplained absence, but he had grown impatient and o had to get back to the real world or risk losing my job.

Dave been sweet but firm bringing me a coffee but then bashing teo pans together until I finally got out of bed. We then walked to work together and he told me he going to take me out for dinner later.

Work was long and painful. After being absent for son long, I came back to 500+ emails. By lunch I wasn't even half way through them and at the end of the day I still had 300 to go. I was done though and decided I needed to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life, there was no way I could be Peter's PA for the rest of my life. After work and with a the most motivated mindset I'd had since finishing college, I met up with Dave and we headed out to a local diner.

"We should eat here and then go get wasted in a dive bar. Celebrate your new found lust for life."

"I could do with a drink," I smiled.

After a couple of greasy burgers, we headed to a dive bar close to my studio and grabbed a seat at the bar. After a couple of beers and a shot of whiskey I was actually laughing as we came up with a crazy plan to become millionaires.

"Well I ain't sleeping with some old rich dude. Maybe you will be more his type?" I chuckled.

"Hey I do have some dreamy eyes," he laughed and fluttered his lashes at me.

"Oh yeah, so dreamy."

We carried on drinking until the early hours of the morning. Dave was officially drunk and I was well on my way. After another shot of whiskey, he started to lean in closer towards me and placed his hand on my upper thigh. "I've missed that," he slurred.

"Missed what?" I laughed nervously and folded some hair behind my ear.

"That smile. You haven't smiled like that in so long. You look so fucking cute when you smile."

"You're a dork,"

"I'm just saying. You have no idea how perfect you are. It's infuriating."

He was leaning uneven closer now and suddenly he tilted his face to smash his lips against mine. It had completely caught me off guard and at first I didn't pull away. The kiss was messy and desperate, and he quickly ran his hand further up my thigh as he placed his other hand at the back of my head. When he tried to push his tongue inside my mouth, I quickly pushed away and shuffled back in my chair.

"What the hell Dave!"

"I could make you so happ of you just let me."

"We're friends!"

"But we could be more. I'm fucking crazy about you Berry. Always have been. I'm good to you, I've always taken care of you, you know we would be good together."

"Please don't do this," I sighed.

"Do what? What, am i not good enough? I ain't some scarred make believe guy from another fucking reality."

"I'm leaving,"

"Wait, please. Just give me a shot. I could be good for you, help you make something of your life. I could take care you."

"I don't need to be taken care of!" I snapped this time as I jumped from the bar stool and grabbed my bag.

"That's is Berry, just run off and make another mistake."

"Fuck you Dave."

When I finally stepped back out onto the streets of New York, I quickly began storming down the street. The air was hot and heavy for September, so I headed into a local store to grab some ice water to take home. At the late hour the store was pretty empty expect for one other woman in front of me at the cashier.

"Your card has been declined," I overheard the cashier say to the woman who had a basket full of baby food and a couple tins of soup.

"Can't you try again?" She sighed.

"I have."

The woman couldn't have been any older than 30 and looked more down beaten than me. A twinge of sadness had completely taken over me and I don't know whether it was the alcohol or my own lack of self worth, but I quickly interupted on the conversation.

"I'll cover it."

"Huh?" The cashier scoffed.

"I'll pay for her stuff. It's fine, just add it to my bill."

"Why would you do that?" The woman asked.

"Becuase I've been out of luck too and we all need a little help sometimes. It's fine, really."

The woman looked like she was close to crying when she thanked me and left the store. She had got her baby food and I had managed to make myself feel good, without the help of Dave or any other man.

"That'll be $37.03" the grumpy cashier groaned.