wink | frerard | ✔️

five - cold as ice

I sighed as I parked my car next to Jamia's and got out. Walking into my house was never this difficult, I noted. I didn't even know why I'd listened to Alex, but now that I'd had three more hours to think about it before my shift ended and my coworker began his, I started to think that it wasn't such a silly idea to think that Gerard had lost interest in me. I mean, he finally got to fuck me and even though I thought it was great, maybe he hadn't. It wasn't too far off to think that our feelings weren't completely mutual. Usually, couples weren't on the exact same page as each other one hundred per cent of the time, anyways.

And if Gerard didn't want me anymore, he would be trying to distance himself from me. So what better way than to try to do the same until he finally broke up with me? It would be better off that way. It would hurt less.

I still bought him coffee on my way home, though, because I was still worried about him.

When I made it inside my own house, I took my shoes off and closed the door behind me and walked into the living room. Apparently, you only have to think of the devil and he shall appear because guess who was sitting right on my sofa talking with Jamia?

"Gee?" I said hesitantly, and he looked up. His eyes were red and knees were drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. His dark hair was messy, and his clothes untidy. And yet, he managed to smile when he saw me.

I tried my best not to roll my eyes as I set my bag and keys down on the kitchen table. I walked back into the living room and sighed, sitting on the floor in front of the two of them who were taking up the sofa.

"Gee?"

He just hid his face in his knees. God, if I wasn't worried before, I was now.

"I'm going to leave you two alone, alright?" Jamia said softly, getting up and picking up a bag packed with what I assumed to be clothing to stay overnight at Lindsey's. Gerard removed his face from his knees to give her a desperate look. I looked at my feet and finally rolled my eyes. "I'm staying over at Lindsey's, but call me if you need anything. That includes you, too, Gerard."

He nodded slowly, and we both sulked as she left. But as soon as the door closed behind her, I stood up and settled down next to Gerard. If he was going to break up with me here and now I wasn't going to be sitting on the floor. I needed to be close to him one last time.

"Gerard," I said. "Babe, what's the matter? Lindsey texted me today saying she was worried about you and I come home to you crying?"

I risked my heart by pulling his trembling figure into mine, and surprisingly he leant into my touch, nuzzling his face into my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and felt him begin to cry again.

"Oh, Gee," I whispered, and whether it was to him or myself, I couldn't tell, but it only made him cry harder. "Talk to me, baby, please? What's wrong, darling?"

I stroked his hair with the arm that wasn't wrapped around him, and I could tell he was beginning to relax by the way he had settled down and by the way the tears were lessening. He sniffled a couple of times against my chest, and then he started speaking.

"So, uh," he began, and already, the way his voice resonated in my chest made my heart flutter and my brain go numb, but I pushed those feelings away hastily as I realised that this was probably the end, and if it wasn't it was damn near it.

"When I was in college, I uh... I had this problem. It was caused by stress and mostly depression, and ever since, I haven't really gotten over depression, but things have happened in my life to help me along the way," he paused, gripping my shirt lightly. "And things have happened to get in the way, and this problem was one of them."