Light in the Dark (Prinxiety)

What Did You Say?!

((TRIGGER WARNING: self harm))

Virgil's Pov:

My brief conversation with Roman left me with a few questions,

1. What did he hear?

2. How long was he there?

3. Why was he blushing when he asked if I was okay?

That last one is what really had me thinking. After all Roman has teased me since we were kids, why would high school, no SENIOR year be any different? Maybe I'm overthinking this? Maybe the blush was from shock? Is that a thing? Ugh! I threw myself on my bed and grabbed my laptop. YouTube usually helps calm me down. Let's see what big brother thinks I need to watch today. Wait is that Mr. Sanders? He has a YouTube channel? Why not, let's see what he posts. I clicked on a video titled 'On the Borderline'

I'm standing on the borderline
What should I bring or leave behind,
From who I was,
For who I'm gonna be?
I still haven't packed my bags
It's time to go
And I could not care less
So now, I'll miss the train
A walk's still progress made,
I just won't arrive quite as fast
I'm thinking way back
To where I'm from
To the things I had
I feel I've forgotten something
I'm sure that it's probably nothing
But that's based more on fear than on fact
I'm standing on the borderline
Between two states, I'm petrified
To push ahead or turn back homewardly
I'm a shadow of the past
The shadow of a boy,
A boy who couldn't last
They said: "Son, don't change"
And I keep hoping they won't see how much I have
A feeling's not a think you own
But it can be lost
I just want to go home
'Cause home's where the heart is
And when I departed,
I might've abandoned them both
I'm standing on the borderline
Between two states, I'm petrified
I'm standing on the borderline,
What should I bring or leave behind
From who I was
For who I'm gonna be?
I'd like to say, "I'm the same person from Yesterday,
Nothing's changed, "
'Cause Yesterday I was eager to see what awaited,
I wasn't jaded
But no!
I can't go back
Youth seemed sweeter
But if I could return, all I've learned would be forfeit
I won't go back
I'm followed by the borderline as I pace forward in my life
Seeking the times I'll long for once they leave me

Wow he has a really good voice, and that song is amazing! I'll have to ask him about it tomorrow. I watch a few more of his videos, I didn't know him and Prof. Joan were friends. Mr. Sanders really likes Disney, I will say his cover of 'Friends on the Other Side'  is really good, probably one of my favorites. I add some of his songs to my Spotify. I hop off YouTube and go to Facebook I see I have an unread message.

Roman: Hey, about today in the bathroom, I heard you calming yourself  down. Are you okay?

Virgil: Why do you care all of the sudden?

Roman: Well, I started thinking and I realized I haven't been the nicest to you.

Virgil: No shit. It took you this long to figure that out?

Roman: I wanna make it up to you, maybe be your friend?....

Roman: I understand if you don't want to but, I would like to be given a chance.

Virgil: .......

Virgil: Idk......

Roman: Please I really want to try and fix things between us.

Virgil: I never thought anything was broken, you make fun of me, I make fun of you. It's just how this works. Why change it now?

Roman: Because Logan said something to me and it really made me think.

Virgil: What did he say?

Roman: He just has a theory of why we tease each other the way we do, honestly I don't know where he go it from.

Virgil: What did he say?

Roman: .....that I tease you as a way of lashing out at feelings idk if I have.....

Virgil: .......what did you say?

I logged off. I don't know how to continue with that. I mean why would Roman, the big jock of the school like me?.. Ugh! No Virgil! Stop thinking like that! I hear my phone go off, it's another Facebook message

Roman: If you want to, I would like for you and you're new friend Patton to sit with us at lunch tomorrow...

Virgil: Fine.

Roman: Really?!

Virgil: Yeah why not, Patton seemed to think Logan is cool. Anyways I have to study.

Roman: You study?

Virgil: More than you. I'll see you tomorrow Princy.

Roman: See you tomorrow Charlie Frown.

What is this feeling in my chest? Another panic attack? No, this felt different, more fluttery than a panic attack. Virgil it's nothing! Go do your homework then go to bed. I open my backpack and start on my math homework. God I hate math.

I spaced out half way through my homework. I check my phone, not expecting any texts. To my surprise there was a couple snapchats. Patton using the dog filter and just being a big dork. I will say he's nice to have around. The other one is from....Roman. I didn't think I had him on here. I open it and OH MY GOD! He's....just in a towel! Oh god, fuck, how do I respond to that? No no no, don't reply. Maybe that was supposed to go to someone else? Yeah that makes sense, just a misclick. I won't lie, he does look good and his abs-NO! Virgil you do not like him that way! I throw my phone on the bed. A shower will calm me down. A cold one. I grab a towel and my phone for some music. I throw on 'Painkiller' by Three Days Grace. The shower does calm me down. Something about the cold water has always been relaxing for me.

"Fuck!" I scream realizing the water had hit my thighs. I had cut this morning and I forgot they were there. They stung for a moment then went numb. This is why people don't like you Virgil. You're a freak! You're an "Emo Nightmare" just give up. You really think Roman of all people would like you? Ha! You're pathetic! I didn't know what else to do, my thoughts raced. All of them coming to the same conclusion. Cut. I sigh and finally give in. I keep a blade taped under my shampoo bottle. It stung but I couldn't stop. Soon the water turned red and I finally stopped. I got out of the shower,dried off and tended to my cuts by wrapping them in gauze.

I walked back into my room and crawled into bed. It's 3am. I lay down and try to go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be interesting but what if it's a sick prank? I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Don't get your hopes up Virgil it's just one day. I finally drift off to sleep.