( listen to you can have him by nina simone if u want da vibes )
yoongi sits at the top of jeongguk's bed, book in his hand, the other softly playing with jeongguk's hair. it's silent, but it's nice, to yoongi at least. jeongguk on the other hand is nervous. it's only been quiet. yoongi hasn't been talking as much, and he doesn't understand why.
"yooyoo?" jeongguk says, in hopes the nickname will enlighten the atmosphere. yoongi hums in return, but his eyes don't even dart away from the page. jeongguk pauses, trying to think of a subtle way to word all his thoughts. but, in all, it just-
"why haven't you been talking? what did i do wrong? did i even do anything wrong? do you not wanna date me anymore? i miss your smile, and how it feels against my lips. i miss you." jeongguk blabbers in a single breath, eyes traveling all over the room but yoongi's eyes.
yoongi slowly looks at jeongguk, closing his book and setting it to his side. he turns his body to lift jeongguk's face and cups his cheeks, which are missing the warmth yoongi remember's to be there. jeongguk's face has sunk with worry, just like yoongi's had before. but for jeongguk, it's always a game of the heart monitor.
"baby, baby, shh.." yoongi gently rubs his finger across jeongguk's cheek, and he feels the bigger man break in between his fingers. the tears rush down his eyes so effortlessly, but he stuffs his head into yoongi's chest to hide it. yoongi's feels the sobs against his chest, against his heartbeat. "darling, it's you but it's not what you're doing."
jeongguk's head whips up so fast he almost breaks yoongi's jaw. he's looking into yoongi's eyes as if he's pleading that he didn't hear correctly. yoongi gives him a sorry smile, and the tears well up in his own eyes as his cheeks rise.
"wh..what do you mean? i thought- i-i thought we had it. i'm getting better for you- for us. you know that, right? i'm just-"
"you know you can't be there, which is killing me, and it's killing you. and that kills me all the more- but baby, the thing is.." yoongi's voice shakes, but he gulps it down like one of those blue and white pills he always see's jeongguk drinking down. god, what do the pills do if he's still sick? "the.. the thing is only one of us is truly dying."
jeongguk sobs again, sniffling rapidly. "b-but i- i'm trying, right? i-i'm trying and i'm making progress- a-as much as i can and i.."
"you're weak, jeongguk. i know you, you'll never admit it for yourself so i always do for you. doesn't mean it's easier." yoongi sniffles and wipes away the tears still streaming down jeongguk's pale cheeks. "we aren't going to find a solution right here, but it's where we are for now.. i just- i worry. and i know you don't want me to, but that's the reality, jeongguk. i'm the one thinking about the future. your mom-"
"do you love me anymore, or am i just a lost cause now?" jeongguk's voice is pointed, like the thick arrow shot through yoongi's heart.
"what? are you kidding me?" yoongi shifts, looking at jeongguk in disbelief. "if i thought you were a lost cause- y'know what, it doesn't matter. let's not even-"
"no, no. i wanna hear it, say it. i'm dying, might as well." jeongguk says dismissively as he pulls himself from yoongi, despite the silent immediate regret.
yoongi stares at him, blinking at him. "are you.. do you forget how hard this is on me?" yoongi stands from the bed.
"oh really? i thought only one of us is dying here." jeongguk says with a huff and turns away, still as childish as always.
yoongi's lip quivers, though jeongguk never see's it. it reminds him of when they were in elementary school, jeongguk was a hard shell to crack but in the end he's always a bright, warm yellow yolk. but those days were easy, easy and over. "yeah? well, i guess only of us is worrying about their future without the love of his life."
and with that, as jeongguk finally ties himself to his senses and goes to apologize about the whole thing, yoongi holds his breath as he grabs his coat, not bothering to even put it on, and walks out the room, out of the front door.
leaving jeongguk in his lonely, cold bedroom.
