It's always you ♡ ~ a ashannie story

💿Chapter 16💿

                 Ashers Funeral
I've been regretting this day every since I've gotten out of the hospital. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let go of him. Even though he is still apart of me, he's gone. Gone forever. Seeing his body is gonna hurt me. It's gonna tear me more apart then I already am. I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to. If I don't I'll regret it. I love him. I have to do this. I have to face his family. I feel like they all hate me. Since he chose me over the world. I really wish it wasn't like this. I wish it was me that died. I would do anything for him to come back.
I wake up to the sun shining brightly on my face. I rub my face feeling dried up tear stains resting on my cheeks. I get up and drag myself out of my bed and go into the bathroom. This is the most I've moved in days. I don't have motivation for anything.
I turn the shower on and start to undress my self. I look in the mirror at the scar where they put Ashers heart inside mine. I start to tear up again.
"Why did he have to be so nice to me?!?" I say fighting back tears.
I get in and it's really hot. I just want to burn up. I don't want to be here.
I get out of the shower, the bathroom is filled with steam, my body is red from how hot the water was. I can barely even see for how much steam there was. I almost slipped. Oof. I'm very clumsy.
I change into a black dress that went up to my mid thigh. I dried and curled my hair and put some makeup on. Not a lot because I will cry it all off by the time we even get to the funeral home. Plus that's just a waste of time.
I get out of the bathroom and walk over to my dresser that lays a small box with a necklace in it. I put it on and start playing with it.
Asher was very right that there would be a box under my pillow. I don't know how I feel about it. I'm hoping he put it there before everything. If not then that literally proves heaven and hell are real or something along the lines.
I slid my 1 inch heels on, spray some perfume on my self, grab my phone, and take one last look at myself. I look horrible. All I see is a mistake.
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When I walk into the funeral home, I see coco and run up to her and hug her. I haven't seen her since the day I left the hospital. I missed her.
"Hey Annie." She says hugging me.
"Hi coco! I missed you." I said hugging her tighter.
"Me too! Um I have a question...." she starts to say.
"What? I'll do anything!" I say letting go of her.
"So I was wondering if you wanted to say anything tonight?" She says.
"Well..I mean..I don't have anything planned.." I start to say.
"That doesn't matter, just come up with something! Please?" She says. I obviously will do it except I don't want to embarrass myself in front of all of his family and friends.
"I mean I guess but I feel really guilty.." I say beginning to tear up.
"Come with me!" She says concerned and walking me outside of the funeral home to get more privacy. "Why do you feel guilty honey?" She asks sitting down in a bench.
"If-if-it wasn't for me being in his l-life.." I start to say but she rest her hand on my hand.
"Annie, you shouldn't feel guilty. You meant everything to him. He loved you unconditionally. He wanted you to live. To live your best life you could possibly live. Don't ever think it's your fault! You should be glad he saved you." She says not even flinching.
"I-it's just..I took him away from you guys...I made everyone feel heartbroken because of me. I'm not worth it.." I say looking down.
"No, No, No Annie! What he did for you proves that you are worth it. You are the best thing that ever happened to him. He never would stop talking about you. You are special to all of us. Not only you are incredible, you have my sons heart with you. All the time. You should be honored to have it." She says starting to tear up. We hug for awhile. I felt safe. Jody came out and yelled for us to come inside because it will be starting soon.
I'm really not ready... I can do this. Annie you can do this. Come one, Asher would want you to. I mean I'm not sure if he would want me to...I need to get out of my head.
I stand up and walk with Coco and sit next to the Angels since no one I knew was here. I mean there was a bunch of kids from school and my "best friends" but I don't want to sit next to them.
It was finally time to go up to see him. The family is going up first of course but coco grabs my hand. I can't believe her. I'm not apart of the family. I stand up and I'm shaking. I'm not ready for this. I've told myself I'm not ready for this a billion times but I'm really not. We get in line. Jody and London are talking to him. They look like they are ready to break yet they don't mind me here. Well at least that's what it seems like. They could just be lying to me.
They go sit back down and it's time for coco to talk to him. I let her go by herself since it's her son. Omg. I basically killed her son. The boy she carried for 9 months, the boy she took care of for 17 years, the boy that means everything to her. I did this to him. It it wasn't for me meeting him, this never would've happened. I'm getting my thoughts to the best of me.
She gestures me to go stand by her. I go over linking arms with her. I don't look. I can't look. There's no way I can look without running out of the building.
"Annie are you going to say something" Coco says getting me out of my thoughts.
"Oh uh sorry I was just thinking." I say.
"Do you need a little more time?" She asks.
"C-can I be the last one to see him?" I ask.
"Of course. Anything for you darling." She says walking back to her seat.
I watch everyone go up to him. I still haven't seen him and I'm glad. I mean I'm not god that he's gone, I'm just glad I have a few extra minutes to calm myself down. In the back of the line, I see Lauren and Kenzie. I excuse my self from where I was sitting and go up to both of them and hug them. I start crying.
"Ann's it's okay to cry. We are always here for you. Next time please talk to us instead of ignoring everyone." Kenzie says letting go of me.!
"We are your best friends. You can talk to us about anything. When I mean anything I mean anything your heart desires. We will always be here for you. No matter what." Lauren says going back into a hug.
"I'm sorry you guys..I know I should've talked to you guys first but I thought it would hurt you..." I began to say.
"It hurt more not knowing." Kenz says.
"We felt horrible not knowing anything. We could have been there for you.."Lauren says.
"I'm sorry I know I messed up.." I say looking down.
"It's okay Ann's. We were just worried that's all."Kenzie says.
I look and see that there are only a couple people left and I start to get really nervous. Even more nervous that the first time I went up. This is it. Now all I have to do it not run away and cause a scene.
"Are you ready?" Lauren says taking my hand.
"I-I'm not s-sure." I stutter out.
"It's okay not to be ready." Kenz says taking my hand.
"I need to do this or I'll regret it forever." I say walking towards his casket.
I finally brace myself and look at him. He looked normal but a little more pale then usual. I don't like it. This is fake. He must have makeup on because he looks normal. Why would they try and make the  deceased looked alive?
I grab his hand and rub my finger against the back of his hand and put my hand where his heart is. Well used to be. I'm just staring at him. I can feel all eyes on my but I don't care. I want to see his beautiful green eyes, his bright smile showing his dimples, I want to hear his contagious laugh, I want to smell him again, I want to play with his fluffy brown hair, I want to cuddle next to him, I just want him here again. I began to cry. Kenz and Laur come closer to me and hug me and begin to thank him for everything he has done. I kiss his hand and walk back to me seat.
The funeral started and the minister was talking. I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't. I was thinking about everything that we ever did together. I hear my name getting called..I get out of my gaze and look up to see everyone staring at me and the minister waving his hand to go up.
I look over to coco and she whispers, "you will go great." I just shake my head and walk up to the podium. I look around and see a lot of people. His family, a bunch of people from school, and all of the jocks. I start to rub my arm and look down.
"Well...uh.uh....um..my name is Julianna LeBlanc. My friends call me Annie..and I would like to say how special...A-Ah-Asher w-was.." I begin to say still looking down.
"H-he was the love of my life." I say starting to tear up.
"He was the definition of perfect. He was always so kind and l-loving.
No matter what you needed, he was right there for you. Helping you. Always, Aways caring about everyone around him. Most people didn't really see this side of him. Only his true friends did. He didn't have much trust in people.He didn't have that many. Real friends I mean." I say looking up and glances at the jocks.
"He was the best son, brother, and friend you can ever know. I'm up here right now because he is was my beat friend. He did something amazing for me. Even though I am still mad at him about it, I still love him for everything he has ever done for me.
About 2 weeks ago, I was rushed to the hospital and while I was there, they found out I had a heart disease. They needed to do an operation ASAP but they needed a new heart. Ash-A-Asher donated his to m-me. Sorry." I say running out of the funeral home and into the woods behind it. I ran and ran until I realized I couldn't breath. I've been crying this whole time. I mess up everything..

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*A/N: sorry for not posting that much, I've been busy with school and I've been writing this chapter when there's time in school on the bus. Hope you like it...i don't know how I feel about it also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHER!!

Word count: 2014