It was always you

Chapter 1

Grohl - March 2019
I sat in my new apartment watching TV. For three days I'd been staring at the walls and I'd never felt so alone in my whole life. I'd never been on my own like this before. I'd spend the whole of my adult life touring or with family so I was used to having people around me. I knew I'd made the right decision to leave, I missed my kids but I couldn't go back to living a lie with their mother. There was nothing there. No feelings, no affection, not anything - there never had been. And it was clear that there never would be. A staged marriage, something for the public eye, that's all it had ever been. But I couldn't do it anymore. It was a lie, it was not what I wanted. But in my heart I knew this wasn't what I wanted either, living a life on my own, alone in this apartment. There was one person missing from this situation and I wasn't sure they were ready to be with me. I knew they were unhappy too but were they unhappy enough to leave their family behind? Maybe I should have had that conversation before I made the leap? I thought for a brief second. No! Whatever happened going forward I couldn't go on living the way I had been.

I stood, went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and a bottle of whiskey before heading back to the couch and the TV. If I was honest I had no idea what I was watching, my mind insisted on wandering to the past and to him. I could remember everything about him. Everything we'd been through. I remembered the first time I met him...

-1995-
It was summer and things with Foo Fighters had just begun. What had started as a way of getting over everything that had happened with Kurt and falling back in love with music again was getting wings of it's own. I had started alone in a studio recording and now we were a band on tour. I couldn't believe that I was back on the road again. After Nirvana I never thought I would. But here I was, touring festivals, and I enjoyed myself. My bandmates Nate, Pat and William were a great bunch and it was brilliant being out on the road with them. We weren't a big band and we only played the smaller stages, but the crowd seemed to like us. This year's big headline was Alanis Morissette. She and her band played on the big stages and I was always trying to sit at the side of the stage watching. I didn't watch her, although I let people think I did. I was actually watching him. The drummer. The blonde, lanky, drummer. He was amazing. He could drum like no one else I'd ever seen. I watched his every movement. I could've watched him for hours. Who am I kidding? I did! Every night we were at a festival together I sat on the side of the stage and watched him. And tonight was no exception. Their set was just over two hours long, when they finished and walked off stage he walked passed me and smiled. I felt something move inside me, something frighteningly familiar, but I pushed that aside and smiled back.

"Hey dude" he said as he passed me.

"Hey man!" I said, shocked that he'd talked to me. "Love the fucking drumming!"

"You do?" he said with a surprised grin on his face "Thanks! Wanna drink?" He waved towards the backstage area. Oh how I would love to have a drink with him.

"Yeah. Why not"

"Cool!" he said with one of those big smiles on his face "I'm Taylor by the way"

"Yeah I know" I said, immediately regretting that I'd admitted I knew who he was "I...I'm Dave!"

"Yeah I know man!" he laughed "You're the fucking drummer from Nirvana dude! Everyone knows who you are."

"Yeah... I guess." I said and looked down. Every time someone mentioned Nirvana a sting of hurt ran through me. The wound was still fresh. I was still healing.

Taylor must've seen it cause he gave me a friendly shove on my arm and said
"Hey! You complimented my drumming man! Not everyone can say they've gotten a compliment from one of the best drummers of our generation" I blushed and I knew he saw it and that made it worse. "Come on. Let's have that drink now!" He smiled and walked back to their room. He grabbed a bottle of beer and tossed it over to me before picking up another for himself. He flopped down onto a sofa and looked instantly relaxed. Somehow he could manage to almost lay in the chair rather than sit. I'd met a lot of people in my career but never someone quite that chilled. As he looked up at me I suddenly realised I was staring at him and I felt myself blush a little. I took a gulp of beer and sat down to hide my embarrassment.