It was always you

Chapter 14

-Grohl 2019-

I looked down at the pizza box on the table, it was still half full but I didn't feel hungry anymore. It might have been 18 years ago but the thought of Taylor like that still made me feel sick. I shut the lid of the box carried it to the kitchen and tossed it on the cupboard. I grabbed another Coors Light, opened it and took a gulp from the bottle.

Taylor was still upset and angry when he woke from the coma so why wouldn't he tell me to "fuck off"? Stupidly I did as he asked and stayed the fuck away. I stayed the fuck away and the distance between us grew. I should have tried to talk to Taylor. Instead I let myself be persuaded into making one of the worst decisions of my life.

-2001-

Taylor and I had gone back to the States once he was well enough to leave the hospital. I tried to keep an eye on him and make sure he was alright but things between us were different somehow. When we did spend time together neither of us seemed to want to talk about what had happened or how we felt about it. Taylor was still angry with me and I was still angry with him because he'd nearly killed himself. We were drifting apart and we seemed to be getting to the stage where we no longer enjoyed each other's company. You could cut the atmosphere between us with a knife. We barely spoke let alone kissed or held each other. I still loved him with all my heart but I wasn't sure how to talk to him anymore. I was afraid to discuss what had happened in case I made him do something stupid and he didn't seem to want to talk to me at all.

One day when I was sat at home alone the phone rang, it was John. I hadn't seen Taylor for days and I was miserable so when he suggested meeting for lunch I agreed. I had no idea what he wanted and to be honest I didn't really care I just needed to get out.

I turned up at the restaurant as agreed and found John, Paul, George and Gus waiting at a table for me. Straight away I knew I'd made a big mistake. It felt like some sort of ambush and I'd walked right into it. I should have asked what he wanted to talk about. I should have asked the rest of the band to come with me. I'd always thought of these guys as my friends but for some reason as I stood looking at their smiling faces I just felt like they were out to get me. All of a sudden I wanted to turn and run.

John got up from his seat and walked over to me. "Dave" he greeted me cheerily "Good to see you. How've you been?"

"Ok" I answered warily.

"Come and sit down." He placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me to the table.

As I took my seat they all spoke. "Dave, how are you?" asked Paul.

"Hello Dave" George said.

"Good to see you man." Gus said giving me a gentle slap on the back.

I looked from one to the other suspiciously. "So....why am I fucking here?"

"We just wanted to make sure you were alright" John told me. There was a slight pause "Well after everything that happened in England...... You know."

"Yeah well I'm fine" I told him coldly. What happened in England was all their fault and I wasn't sure I could ever forgive them.

"And Taylor?"

"He's doing ok."

"Good. That's really good to hear." Another awkward pause. "Look Dave, we're really sorry about how things turned out but Taylor's actions have caused us some problems."

"Taylor's actions?!" I couldn't believe he could be so matter of fact about this "He could have died! No actually he did die. Twice!" By now my anger was rising and my voice was getting louder.