It was always you

Chapter 13

- Day 2 -

"One more day that I've survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind I'm doing fine
I'm breathing on my own"

The chair I was sitting on was hard and my ass had been numb for hours. But I didn't care about that, the only thing that mattered was him. He was lying there in the hospital bed, in a coma and not breathing on his own. No one knew if he was gonna wake up. And if he did they didn't know if he was gonna have some kind of brain damage. If he was gonna be able to take care of himself. They knew nothing. They didn't even know if he ever was gonna be able to play drums again. Just the thought that maybe he would wake up and be sat in a wheelchair for the rest of his life was too much. I tried to keep those thoughts out of my head but sometimes they sneaked in anyway. I was holding his hand and it felt cold in mine. I had squeezed it so many times but there was no response from him. It was so weird just sitting here looking at him. It was like he was gone and only the shell of him was left behind. Oh Taylor.... What am I supposed to do without you....?

- Day 5 -

"I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend"

People came and went. Nate and Chris were here every now and again but it felt like they were looking after me rather than visiting Taylor. They always brought some food or drinks or snacks with them for me to eat. I knew that they were just as worried about me as they were over Taylor. The tour was cancelled and everyone was heading back home the day after tomorrow. They wanted me to go with them. I refused. I couldn't leave him. Who was gonna be at his side when he woke up if I left? I just couldn't leave him. They understood and didn't argue with me but I knew they would have preferred me to go with them. It wasn't the love of their life that was lying in that bed though, was it? They had no idea what it felt like. They just didn't understand.

- Day 6 -

"Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We're tethered once again"

"Taylor" I whispered "Taylor.... Can you hear me? They say you can hear me, but I don't know. And even if you do hear me I don't know if you will remember any of this."

It was dark both outside and inside the room. It was also dark in my mind. Everything was dark around me. It was after dinner and tomorrow everyone but me was going back to the states. They had all come in to say their goodbyes today. It felt like they were saying goodbye forever, like they didn't think he would make it. I was angry at them all for leaving, for not believing in him and for taking the easy way out.

The room was quiet and all you could hear was the constant beeping, the sound of his heart beating, and the sound from the machine that was breathing for him. I had grown used to those sounds now and didn't hear them as much anymore. I looked at his face, his beautiful face and his blonde hair spread out on the pillow around him. He was still beautiful and he still had all of my heart.

"I'm so sorry Taylor." I whispered again and the tears started to run down my cheeks. "This is all my fault. I should've run after you. I shouldn't have hesitated, I should've chosen you immediately. I don't know why I didn't. I'm so sorry. When you wake up Taylor I will make it all better. I will make it all about you. I love you Taylor. I can't live without you. Please wake up. Please. I'm so lost without you..."

But Taylor remained still and silent in his bed.

- Day 8 -

"I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend"