It was always you

Chapter 2

-1995-
A week later I found myself in a press conference along with the rest of the band. Nate and William were sat one side of me and Pat the other. It was taking place at the hotel where we were staying, in fact where a lot of the bands involved with the festival were staying. Although we were all sat there all of the questions were aimed at me.

"Is Big Me about Kurt?"

"Why did you start a band that sounds exactly like Nirvana?"

"Do you really think a drummer can be a front man?"

"You were really close with Kurt. How did you get over his death?"

"Did you write this album to honour Kurt?"

"What would Kurt have said about this album?"

The questions were sailing in and it made me feel dizzy. They were all about Kurt or Nirvana. They all looked to the past when all I wanted to do was move forward. I tried to stay calm and answer the questions but it wasn't easy when all I wanted to do was to scream at them. It was bad enough that the only song the crowd wanted to hear was Marigold, the song I had written for Nirvana. And that was why I refused to play it, I couldn't.

"Were you and Kurt more than friends?"

The whole room went quiet and I looked up at the reporter who'd asked the question. I could feel the anger boiling inside me. I took a deep breath trying to control myself. I didn't want to answer that question at all. I needed to keep my head straight but it was so hard to do. I looked away from the reporter and into the crowd. It was as I was eyeing the room that I spotted him, a blonde, lanky figure stood at the back. The man I had been drumming with last week. Taylor! He was here? What was he doing here? And he'd heard all the questions. Ah the shame of it. The room was still quiet, waiting for an answer to that horrible question. It was none of their fucking business!

"Me and Kurt were like brothers." I said unable to hide the bitterness in my voice. It was kinda true and kinda not. It was certainly the best answer I could ever give them. The room was still quiet as if they were waiting for something more, but I wasn't going to give them anything else. "Now if no one has any questions that are about the band, the record or our view for the future I think we'll call it a night." I continued. The room remained still and quiet. "Anyone?" I asked. The reporters started to look around to see if someone was going to speak but no one opened their mouth. "Ok then" I said "Thank you and goodnight" The frustration was evident in my voice.

I stood up. Nate, Pat and William followed me as I walked out. I walked fast. I was furious. The Foo Fighters were supposed to be my way of getting out of the darkness that had eaten me up for nearly a year. Yet all they wanted to talk about was Nirvana and Kurt, the thing that had driven me down into the darkness in the first place.

"Dave" I heard Nate's voice behind him and felt his hand on my shoulder.

I knew he just wanted to check if I was ok but right now I couldn't deal with it. "Don't wanna talk about it" I snapped and brushed his hand away. "I just need to be alone for a bit ok?" Nate nodded, he looked hurt and concerned but he let me go.

I rushed down the corridor until I found a room that was empty. I closed the door and looked around. The silence was deafening. I felt the anger banging on the walls I had built inside me. I thumped my fist into the wall as hard as I could and started to scream. I screamed to try and let all the hurt and anger out. It wasn't enough. I took a step further into the room, grabbed the chair that was standing there and smashed it into the wall. I stopped screaming and looked around. I could hear myself breathing loudly. My knuckles were bleeding and the chair was in pieces. I felt the tears pricking behind my eyelids and finally I gave in.