Carve Me Open / r.l. + s.b. /

Resolve

"And Like the Moon, We Must Go Through Phases of Emptiness to Feel Full Again."

-Unknown

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Hogwarts, September 1971 (First Year)

Carrying Remus across the school had seemed like such an act of nobility and courage in the moment that Sirius didn't care to think of just how far the Hospital Wing might have been from Professor Slade's classroom. He also didn't manage to think of the flight of stairs he'd eventually have to climb with Remus, being half-conscious, leaning most of his body weight onto him. Now, Sirius wouldn't go as far as to say that this brute was fat. In fact, he was gaunt at best. Still, the bastard weighed a ton.

"Peachy," Sirius sighed through gritted teeth, adjusting Remus on his shoulder before beginning the journey – one step at a time. As long as he moved slowly, very slowly, it wasn't as bad as he'd expected it to be; Remus was a model dummy, following every guide like a good little puppy. Lily would've never been able to carry this bloke on her shoulder ten feet to the classroom exit, let alone across the school and up a staircase.

Who had she been to offer such a thing; why was she so stupid sometimes? And for what, to make some strange friend like Lupin?

Everyone knew Remus only spoke to that stupid Hufflepuff with her curly hair and friendly smiles and the ginger bunny rabbit. He only ever ate breakfast with them, and if neither of the morons was there, well, Remus ate alone with his geeky books and essays and whatever else he managed to snag that kept him busy.

Sirius knew he was a bit harsh on Lupin; of course, his bullying came up monumentally short compared to James's taunting. What did those two girls have that Sirius didn't? Why was his attention always so focused on them? It wasn't as if they were old enough to kiss yet; Sirius swallowed the rising bile in his throat at the thought of kissing Janine, let alone Evans. Though, Snivellus might have been inclined to take up the offer.

Sirius's features hardened. With those engorged fangs she called front teeth, it was a wonder Evans could mutter a comprehensible word to follow. As for Janice, her obnoxious laugh and pitiful sense of humor could bore Sirius into his grave prematurely. He, on the other hand, was brilliant and dashingly charming. His teeth were a suitable size, and his laugh was wet like honey. Sirius knew he was the complete, friendly package! What more did he have to do to get Lupin on his side?

"You... you don't..." Remus was mumbling beneath his breath idly, probably not realizing he was speaking at all.

From what Sirius heard, and oh had he heard plenty enough, it was nothing coherent. Therefore, to the best of his ability, he decided to ignore it. Instead, he channeled all of his energy into carrying this oversized lapdog to the hospital wing before he keeled over.

But then, Sirius wondered, what had it been about him that Remus didn't like. Memories of the train ride flashed as his nostrils flared; he thought he'd made a good impression when defending him from James and Peter's stupidity—God knew it exuded from the both of them like radioactive waste—and he'd tried inviting him to walk with them. Heck, Sirius even wanted to protect him from James that night in their dormitory when he'd decided to transform into a shitbird.

So, what was Sirius doing wrong? Or, the better question was, what was wrong with him? Was it his hair? No. No, no, no – couldn't have been. It wasn't foul like that hook-nosed bastard in Slytherin. Did he smell? He spent ten galleons on shampoo and soap for the first semester; you'd best bet your arse that he didn't smell! Maybe it was his smile? Could he work on that? Could he appear more... friendly?

He sighed, finally at the top of the stairs and a mere corridor away from Madame Pomphrey's office.

"You know," Sirius huffed, now limping down the hall, "for a kid so skinny, you weigh a shit load."