Carve Me Open / r.l. + s.b. /

Element of Secrecy

"Heartbreaks, the heavy world's upon your shoulders

Will we burn on or just smolder?

Somehow, I know I'll find you there

Ooh, you wanna see if you can change it

Change it

Still, I know I'll see you there"

-via Cage the Elephant, Come A Little Closer

Content Warning: Mentions of Miscarriage, Medical Trauma

Major Edit Complete as of March 18, 2022

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Lupin Cottage, July 1977

Remus glanced at the clock in his room. Ten minutes past twelve. On holidays, his father was usually working; he made a point to avoid spending time with Remus, so it seemed. Why this summer had to be different, Remus could not figure out. Out of all the weekends, Lyall chose that one. Remus was thankful for many things in his life – a house, an education, and friends – but there were some of God's blessings that he could easily mistake as a curse.

If they were going to snoop in Lyall's office, they'd have to be awake. At least two of them, Remus being essential. Someone would have to be a lookout, and, if worse came to worse, someone would have to help him. If Lyall decided to pull an all-nighter, they were fucked. Those weren't uncommon, especially now that he'd been involved with Dumbledore and the others to figure out what on earth was going on with Remus's dreams. His father spent more and more time in his study, which meant there was more to be explored by the Marauders. If he would just go the fuck to sleep, Remus thought bitterly.

Sirius's sleeping figure stirred beside him.

Oh, and there was that matter, of course.

For starters, Remus's head was still reeling from their encounter in the kitchen, and he couldn't get it to stop. Thoughts flitted through his conscience, sending his heart rate skyrocketing. Was his hard-on showing when he returned to the dining room? Could his mother see how swollen his lips were? More importantly, did Lyall noticed the wrinkles in his shirt where Sirius had fisted it? Hope was one thing to Remus. He was sure he could spin some sort of lie to elude her on what had happened.

But his father? The trained, specializing Auror with at least twenty years of investigating under his belt? Not a chance. Not even one percent. Not point zero one percent. The likelihood of successfully lying to Lyall Lupin was slim to none; he knew his son, whether Remus liked it or not. He knew what made Remus tick, how to get under his skin, and, most of all, how to make him guilty enough to crack.

Should Remus have been guilty? He glanced down at his lap, unable to ignore his cock building up under the sheets.

According to the Bible, yes. "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." Leviticus 20:30. He knew that one well. According to most men in England, he should have been guilty. To most Priests, nuns, and devout Christians, yeah, he was an abomination.

However, when he looked over at a sleeping Sirius, he couldn't find an ounce of shame lingering in his blood. If liking Sirius was a sin, then so be it because every second with him was worth it. He was sure that if James and Lily's love was an abomination, they'd walk through fire for one another. Well, maybe not just yet. Maybe not Lily just yet, but James surely would. Then again, he'd loved Lily since their fourth year.