Roots Before Branches

Chapter 2: Not Afraid Of Death

I felt the walls closing on me and I couldn't breathe anymore. I sit on the couch with my head in hands and looking down trying to breathe but I couldn't. I felt tears falling from my eyes and the agony in my body.

I can't take this anymore. I can't.

I can't take this life, I thought I would handle well but I can't. I hate this. I hate all of this.

I stand up from my couch and went to the kitchen and without thinking twice I opened all the cabinets searching for advils. My body is shaking of this panick that doesn't leave my body. I just can't do this anymore. I can't live the life that people talk talk talk but know nothing about me. I'm tired of people criticizing everything I do. I'm tired of feeling completely numb all the time.

I grabbed the bottle of Advil and take and the pills and take all of them with water. A few instants later I feel my body getting heavier and heavier. My eyes are closing and it's hard to stay awake. My eyes get heavier and before I notice I fall on the ground and when my body touched the floor, everything turned black.

—/—/—

I tried to open my eyes but the lights were too bright so I just closed them again. After a few instants, I opened my eyes and saw a tall woman with dark hair, Rosa, my manager. She is talking to a doctor and they stopped talking when I fully opened my eyes.

"Rachel! I'm so happy you're okay!" Rosa shouted and I winced. The loud noise still hurts my head a little. I don't understand, I supposed to be dead right now. I wanted to be.

I wanted something to take this pain out of my heart and that's the only thing I thought about. I just wanted something to let me be free. I just want to go to a place that it doesn't matter if I'm Rachel Berry, it doesn't matter that my songs are always on the Billboard list, it doesn't matter who I am and what I ever did.

"Why I'm not dead?" I asked.

"María found you in time, you were lucky, Rachel." Rosa said and I sighed.

"Lucky?" I said ironically and I don't feel anything right now. I feel numb. The doctor started to explain everything that I overdosed and the surgery I had to take the pills off my stomach and all. But I don't care anymore.

I'm not afraid of death, if I died now, at least I would have some respect. I just don't care.

I want to die.