Stains Of The Past (Ateez, Woosan)

2

A few weeks later Woo finally got out go the hospital, his parents didn't show up at all, no one did in the matter of fact, Woo knew no one loved him but he thought there was at least one person that cared, but only doctors and nurses showed up, and that's just their job, it not they cared about a stupid teenager who tried to kill himself and failed, they would only care if he succeed at it. But his home life was still the same still being beaten and being neglected by the people who gave him his messed up and worthless life. He just wanted someone to love him but he knew that was never going to happen, for God's sake he couldn't even love himself.

But on the other hand, San was at home just drinking the same damn liquid that kills him inside each and every time he consumes it into his body. The flaming feeling rushes down his throat making his cringe but he kept going. The numbness was truly coming out, the world just kept bring San so many problems, the death of his brother, not being loved by his grandparents, and his parents never being home. He knew he didn't have it as bad as other people, but he still can't feel anything and that's the problem. San wants to feel something, he would kill just to feel something.

But sadly San knows that it will never be possible for him to feel anything, he's just going to deal with it till he dies. And when San thought about death his mind brought up Woo, he was confused on why he thought about Woo, he just remembered when they were kids. How they would always laugh, play, even when Woo did cry, San just sat their remembering the memories that would never come back. Eventually, San passed out from the alcohol. And his brain was still thinking of Woo, but one memory that kills San mentally, the day Woo told San, they were about six or seven.

"San, can we make a promise?," The Little Brown hair held ask looking down at his best friends whose head was on his thigh "yeah of-course Woo, we can make a promise" the little blond hair said looking up at his friend with a small smile forming on his lips "One day, can we get married? And have a puppy?" The brown hair Woo asked shyly. San smiled innocently "Of course we can! We can get two puppies!" This statement made both of the innocent boy's smile and cheer in glee.

This made San wake up quickly, painting as the sweat dripped down his face, San never had a dream like that, "Why is it starting now? San thought to himself, then the same feeling came to his head, The pounding sensation in his head. Oh, but San was used to this painful but soothing feeling, the only feeling San gets anymore. But the thing that is bugging San was the dream he had. Some stupid "promise" they made, it's kinda pathetic that Woo actually believed that promise and think that it was true, they were only kids back then, normally kids make stupid promises that mean nothing but Woo took it to heart.

Woo was always so stupidly mindful of everything, but that was one of the good things about Woo but he didn't know. Woo would always make sure people's health was good before his. Woo was really good at writing, but his parents would always through his works of writings, but San, before he started bullying him, would always love reading Woo's pieces of art, but now, Woo would always hide his art work of beautiful but painful words of his mind. He would make something darkened twisted into something magical but still have the meaning of the words on the paper or source he was writing on.

San always and still kinda amirs that part of Woo but he would never admit it to himself or anyone. sometimes when he is so numb he would read over some of Woo's poems or short stories that he sent the summer before high school. Before all the numbness, bullying, drinking, suicide attempts happened, the happy moments in their lives. San just sat there looking nothing but the blank ceiling of his room, throughout the night San would reread something Woo sent him or a random memory popped up in his head of his childhood adventures.

At Woo's house, it was the total opposite, instead of some nice childhood memory it was nightmare of the day that Woo jumped, San was there but it wasn't San it was Woo's inner demons and himself on that rooftop, the wind sent shivers down his spine, he was at the same place where we had before he jumped, the edge, he couldn't move, all he could do was turn his head and whenever he did. His demons would get closer to him, telling him how useless, then there was San smirking saying "jump! jump, jump you, coward!" Over and over again, making tears from his Woo's eyes, all he wants his best friend back.

Woo then jumped, sweat running down his face, he was in the urge to have a full-on panic attack, his heart was echoing in his ears it was like someone was chasing him but not being able to run away. Woo couldn't control his breathing, the faster his heart went the harder it was to breathe, his inner demons consuming his real life, their showdown consuming his thoughts, body, mind everything. Woo felt the tears go down his face he couldn't care right at that moment, all he wanted to do was to let all the stored emotions he has inside of him.

It took about an hour later Woo finally calmed down from his weekly mental breakdowns, he just sat there looking at his desk, he smiled softly when he remembers his memories of writing dark and twisted works of art, he didn't even realize that he was at his desk.

When he opened an old notebook from what looked like from eighth grade, it was the time of his life where he thought he could go somewhere with his writing, but sadly he would never be told how good his writing was only one person has told him he was good at writing, San. but that was in the past, he has to forget the "good" old days of their friendship, now it was the harsh reality of being told to kill yourself and being a disappointment to his parents.

He felt the old papers, the feeling of his words that we're on the paper, the way the words made the story come alive, the characters movements, actions, everything brought a real soft smile onto Woo's face, he forgot how much writing made him feel, He could put down all his feelings what he was feeling in that moment. 

Woo couldn't help himself from grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil and start writing down a short poem "I'm scared of all these voices, Inside my head. They scream to hell, they could bring me to death. I can't let them win, but I'm just so tired, so tired of this life, so tired to fight. I just want to let go. Close my eyes, Take a deep breath and sink into unconsciousness. After all, wasn't I born to die?"

The words let Woo finally control how he was feeling. The sadness came out without any tears or bruises, he could feel a little weight come off his shoulders. Like he was finally a little bit calmer, but he sadly can't show anyone this new piece of work. Woo put up both of the materials before attempting to fall asleep.

Back at San's house was different, San was none other than consuming the dangerous liquid that makes him into a dangerous person, where all his senses are blocked from his mind, the acts where he didn't care what he did, which has caused many things to happen, and some he remembers, some he doesn't dare to speak of.

San's birthday was coming up, and he knew his parents wouldn't be there but he thought it wouldn't hurt to ask and see if they'll be there, so San drunkenly called his parents hopping for once they'll answer him.

Nobody answered the phone, and he knew his parents were up because they're in America and it's the middle of the day over the sea's, San through his phone at the wall. All he wanted was his parents back, but he wasn't feeling mad or sad like he would have thought but he just felt nothing, nothing again; San wanted to be normal but after what happened two summers ago he hasn't been the same person.

San just lay down and let the darkness consume him whole, making the alcohol take his mind to someone he thought he would never think of again.