Fix Me, Fix You: A Jesse Pinkman Story

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jolie's eyes were fixated on the steam that rose from the hot tea in the yellow mug in her hands, reminding her of the mixture of the cigarette smoke and foggy breath that always swirled from Jesse's mouth when they smoked. It resembled the same swirly mixture that escaped his mouth the morning prior when he brought his dark past to light.

"Did you guys have a nice Christmas?"

Jolie glanced up as she drifted back to reality. Gwen was sitting across from her at the kitchen table; steam rose from her own mug of hot tea as she shuffled through the papers in her overly stuffed folder.

"We did," Jolie answered with a soft smile. "Did you?"

"I sure did, thank you," Gwen replied.

She had called Jolie last night, wanting to move up their 'scheduled' visit again, which was fine with her since she had all night to clean and prepare – it's not like she could sleep with Jesse incessantly haunting her mind anyway.

"So today's interview is a little more personal," Gwen began. "I ask that you answer all questions honestly, no matter how uncomfortable it might get. You know that I'm not here to judge you. I just want to get a feel for the things you believe in, which gives us an idea of how you will handle different situations with the girls – now and in the future. But there's no real right or wrong answer, okay?"

"Okay," Jolie responded simply.

"Great," Gwen said. "So first, let's get the real personal ones out of the way. How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Eighteen."

"And looking back now, how do you view your first time?"

"Fairly standard for two kids who had never had sex before. Awkward and didn't last long," she said with a little chuckle.

A small smile appeared on Gwen's lips as she tried to remain professional but personable. "If you could do it over again, would you?"

"I wouldn't," Jolie shook her head.

"Why's that?"

"I mean, it wasn't an ideal first time, I guess, but it's all a learning experience," Jolie answered, watching as Gwen wrote quickly in her file.

"Well, the main reason I ask these types of questions is to understand how you'll approach the topic of sex with the girls. Your view of sex, which may or may not be greatly impacted by your first time, will ultimately guide their view of sex, so always remember that when discussing it with them," Gwen explained. "Would you say you have a healthy sex life?"

"When I actually have one, yes," Jolie joked.

Again, Gwen cracked a smile, understanding the younger woman's feelings. "How do you feel about being a single mom? Do you think it will change your dating habits?"

"Yes," apparently it makes me fall in love with drug dealers. "And no," Jolie answered. "A guy still has to treat me well, be respectful, be able to communicate, et cetera. But that's not the most important thing anymore. My main priority is that my potential significant other treats the girls well and is mindful and respectful of them. First and foremost, that's what matters now. I've never really been worried about being single though, and that doesn't really change whether I'm a mom or not. It doesn't weigh on my mind. I don't fret over finding a husband."

"That's an admirable quality, Jolie," Gwen replied, still writing.

"Thank you."

"Now, tell me about your last relationship," Gwen requested.

Jolie's heart sunk as Jesse's face popped into her mind. "It was beautiful. Everything about it was beautiful." That was all she could say. She quickly realized that Gwen had asked about her last relationship, yet Jesse was the first person she pictured and she spoke about it like it was in the past. She wondered if that meant their relationship was over? Or if she at least considered it over? She didn't make a conscious decision that their relationship was over, but her subconscious seemed to.