Fix Me, Fix You: A Jesse Pinkman Story

Chapter Twenty-Five

The first sip of wine sent a wave of ease throughout Jolie's body. Sip after sip, the anxiety washed out of her veins. Then the warmth set in. She was warm and content and calm, much unlike the last four days. A fourth of the way through the bottle, she felt happiness creeping up into her heart. It seemed like a foreign feeling after days of constant sadness and confusion. But by the time the bottle was three-fourths empty, all of her emotions from the previous four days came rushing back to her all at once. Her mind was sludge as reality overwhelmed her. And she wanted it to end.

"God, I need to stop drinking so much," she groaned as she wobbly stood to her feet.

Trying to welcome his delayed unconsciousness, Jesse laid in his bed on his back, staring at the ceiling with heavy eyelids. He wanted nothing more than to be asleep, floating in oblivion, avoiding reality... And he was almost there... Until his heart nearly leaped out of his chest at the abrupt sound of someone thumping up the stairs to his bedroom. The sudden fright made him jump and sit upright in bed.

With an angrily balled fist, Jolie pounded on his bedroom door, causing him to flinch once again. Frightened and wanting the brash noise to stop, he rushed to the door and opened it to reveal the beautiful blonde weirdo from the aquarium tunnel. He was filled with mixed emotions, relieved that it wasn't an angry Coop or heartbroken Linda, irritated that she hastily came to see him late at night after avoiding and ignoring him for days, and ecstatic to finally be able to see her striking green eyes again. But she looked broken, damaged, and ruined. He had done that to her. He ruined her.

"How dare you?" She spat loosely. So much for having a rational, levelheaded conversation...

Immediately, he could tell she was drunk by her lazy demeanor and mostly from the smell of white wine on her breath.

"Jo," he sighed, more exasperated than sympathetic. He did not want to have this conversation with the textbook definition of inebriation.

"No!" She snapped somewhat loudly. "How dare you?!"

"Shh." Jesse stifled her, afraid she would wake up her parents and they would find out the truth. "Jesus, Jolie. Come on, let's talk outside."

He guided her carefully as she wobbled down the stairs and stumbled out into the cold air. Once they were both fully outside, she turned to him again.

"How can I let that go, Jesse?" She cried as the concerns and emotions spewed out of her mouth uncontrollably. "You make me fall in love with you, you make the girls fall in love with you, and you make my parents fall in love with you, then you just – you just tell me you're a goddamn drug dealer?!"

His jaw tightened. He was not a goddamn drug dealer. Not anymore. Her sudden onslaught and attack of words, especially after days of the cold shoulder, threw him to the front line of defense. Didn't she want to talk? Didn't she want to work things out? Or did she just want to yell at him?

"I don't know how to process this!" She yelled. "I can't process this!"

"Jo, let's just t–," he tried to reason.

"How can anything ever be the same again?!" She interrupted stubbornly. "How am I supposed to just let that go?!"

"Because that's not who I am anymore!" He snapped back, forgetting she was drunk and rambling angrily.

The unexpected raise of his voice startled her, and she was suddenly speechless, staring at him with tears lining the rims of her eyes. She didn't even realize she was going on and on, yelling at him and frustrating him. All of her thoughts and questions were just racing to get out of her mouth all at once.