COMPATIBLE INDIFFERENCE

Chapter 19

Finally got a hold of my keys, I opened the door. Before entering, I turned to Tom and said quietly. "I will always like Mike. But we're not together. We lost that chance. And I think we might lose ours too. Goodnight, Tom."

I shut the door on his face and went to the kitchen full of silent rage. I yanked the fridge open and drank a glass of water to calm me down. I walked to the window facing the street and saw Tom's figure slumped in his car which I haven't noticed earlier.

I watched him until he left. Worried, I called Eric, the night guard in Tom's apartment to see if he arrived safely. I was relieved when he told me that he just got home looking like a crestfallen teenager. Well, we are both acting like one. But he's an intelligent man. He'll learn from it. And if I'm lucky enough, everything would turn out fine tomorrow.

The following days were slow and unproductive. I've never heard from Tom since that Sunday evening. I often passed by his apartment and saw that his car is parked in the same way I've last seen it.

The girls would insist that we visit him, but I always decline their invitation. I am still uncertain about how I felt about him. I do like him but is it just a mere response because he said that he likes me? Or is it an affection buried by friendship?

That week turned to a couple more, until Lou and I met Tom's next-door neighbor, in the grocery store. "Hello, ladies. I haven't seen you lately in the building especially you Sam." Sandy is the typical old lady who knows almost everything in the whole complex. I smiled at her and told her we were busy with work.

Louise asked, "So what's Tom up to?" I elbowed her to shut up but Sandy already braced herself for gossip. "I've seen him last night when a lady visited his apartment. He has grown a mustache and a beard, like a wild hot man from the jungle. I don't know what's happening but I accidentally overheard them arguing by his doorway."

Louise asked her what she had heard, I nudged her again. "The woman was saying something as they need him back on the lab but he said he was on leave. They kind of argued all the way through, but I had to check on my grandson so I didn't know what happened after."

Louise looked at me with concern but I ignored her. Since we're on full gossip mode, I asked, "Have you ever seen him leave his apartment?" Sandy shook her head. "I can't be sure but I'm home most of the time and I can always hear classical music in his place. He does seem down when I met him downstairs. I don't know what happened to that kid. I hope he's not on drugs."

When her phone rang, we thanked and bade her goodbye. We went to the counter to pay and Louise continuously looked at me uneasily. I threw a big sigh and asked silently, "Should I go visit him?" Louise smiled and packed our groceries. "What do you think?" I looked at her solemnly and nodded. We went to her car and filled the trunk with our bags. "Do you want to come with me?"

She shook her head and pushed me to the passenger seat. "It's all you, now. I hate to mention this but have you not notice that every time you both fight, Tom always makes the first move to reconcile?" I stared at her full of realization. Louise sat in the driver's seat, started the car, and turned to me. "It's always him. I know you are not certain with how you really feel for him but do you think it's only platonic love?" I looked at her blankly.

Silence filled the car. She's correct. Tom always makes the first move. I have not made an effort to work things out between us. It's always been him. I'm not even a damsel in distress but why do I tend to wait? Just because it's always him who seem to have the bigger fault? And my feelings for him? Have I not felt anything different from Tom other than plain friendship? Why did I run away that night at the park? Deep inside, I know I recognized his expression but I repressed it just like the loud thump of my heart. Why did I wail like a kid when I thought him possibly dead on that earthquake? I scoffed at my foolishness. How can I not know the signs when I have studied human behavior all these 10 long years. 

"Let's go to his apartment."