COMPATIBLE INDIFFERENCE

Chapter 20

"We're already here, Doctor Dharts." I looked at the window and saw Tom's apartment in full view. I commend Lou's foresight. "Have you resolved your feelings on that 15-minute ride?" "Yes, I did. Thanks a lot, Lou. Wish me luck." She gave me a quick hug. "You, go girl."

I mustered all my courage and used the stairs to reach his flat. Four floors are nothing but a boost of confidence. Gathering my thoughts, I arrived at his door. Breathing heavily, I knocked. I was greeted hello by one of Pavarotti's compositions, the kind of music that suits your mood when you're livid.

Looking eye to eye to my perpetual arch-enemy who was both astounded and wary at my presence, I felt nervous. This would be a first. Newly shaven and half-naked in sweats with water dripping from his messy hair, he gripped the doorknob. "Sam?" I cleared my throat and asked, "May I come in?"

He held the door wide open and the once pristine clean apartment is now filled with pizza boxes and cans of beer everywhere. Sheets of scribbled paper scattered on the center table. His tablet, laptop, and books spread over his couch. Tom grabbed the pizza boxes he can reach and went to the kitchen to stack it in the garbage can.

I grabbed a few on the floor and handed the boxes to him. We silently worked together for a minute to clear up the clutter. I quietly went to his bedroom, tugged open the closet and grabbed a clean white shirt. He came back from the kitchen and lowered down the volume of his stereo. I gave him the shirt then I went to open the window for ventilation.

"When was the last time you went out of this apartment?" He piled the books in a corner table and murmured, "Two days ago." I smirked at him and said, "To buy beer perhaps?" His silent gesture confirmed that he had been feasting on this unhealthy diet for the last three weeks. "What's happening, Jacobs?"

He looked at me. "Nothing. Why'd you come?" I looked at him and remembered the indifference that I kind of miss.

"To check on you. I heard you haven't been to work for the last couple of weeks and here you are, closed in with a very healthy combination of beer and pizza. And this apartment, is this the kind of mess you're comfortable with?" He scoffed at me and crossed his arms. "Suddenly concerned, huh? I'm fine, Sam. I'm fine with this mess. I work with this mess. If you're done criticizing my life, you may leave."

He seized the remote control and increased the volume. He turned around and took a couple of empty cans of beer on the floor. Frustrated at his childish behavior, I went to his player and turned it off. He looked at me with brows raised. "What do you want?"

Annoyed with his tone, I stared at him petulantly. "I'm not yet done criticizing your life. I've never seen you like this. Disorganized and unreliable. Is this how you deal with your problem? Or are you still that kid who hates losing? C'mon, Thomas. Grow up."

He placed the cans on the dinner table and said icily, "Are you, my mother? Or are you being a friend right now? I'm confused. You said we can't be friends anymore. That's why I'm staying away from you. And here you are jostling your way through."

I threw a deep sigh and organized my emotions. He drew a deep breath and calmed himself down, "What do you want, Samantha? I've got reports to finish." I walked across the room and faced him. Behind his irritated yet weary eyes, I can see sadness. How can I not notice something so simple? In a kinder tone, I blurted out the most honest words I have ever said to him.

"I miss you, Tom." I felt him stiffened. "I'm sorry for criticizing you. I'm here to make amends and tell you that I miss you. You're a constant in my life. So you're not someone who can just stay away from me. This time I'll be the one who's gonna do the chasing."

He gave me a confused look. I smiled at him fondly. He turned away, embarrassed. Stillness followed for a minute. He turned to me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry for being a jerk. For underestimating you. For spouting nonsense and for not telling you everything. I was jealous and angry. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I was caught up with other people that I became insensitive with my own." He extended his hand for a shake and smiled hesitantly. "I'm sorry. Friends? You don't have to concern yourself with what I said last time. I'll deal... I'll deal with my feelings."

Abandoning his welcoming hand, I reached for a stray hair above his ear and pondered on the question for a second. "Yes. We have to be friends for us to start again. But can you deal with your feelings on your own?" He nodded firmly. "That night when I talked to Lou, it was mostly about you. I sought her advice instead of Jam, who I know will definitely make fun of me. Lou told me to prioritize what's important. I... I just can't lose you again." 

I clicked my tongue. "Tsk, tsk. Too bad then. I'll have to deal with mine, on my own." Confused with my words, it took him a full minute to understand it. Flustered, he grabbed my arm. "What do you mean?"

There is no turning back. "I like you too. A lot. I'm sorry it took me a while to realize it." He let go of my arm, unsure of what to do with his hands or where to place it. It fell helplessly on his side. He searched my eyes and asked. "You're not just saying this because I love you, right?" 

"I'm not saying this... wait, what?!"

"I love you." Unprepared for his words, time stopped for a moment until a tear unknowingly escaped from my eye. I avoided his fierce glance, suppressing the urge not to cry. I was just getting used to the thought that I like him back but here comes another bomb. I can feel my cheeks flushed and my head having a tumultuous somersault on its own. I looked at his bare feet for a while as I contemplate what to do. He lifted my chin which led me to no choice but to look at him.

"I am in love with you, Samantha. You, other than my mother hated my guts. That time when I saw you escaping from the boy's comfort room, all flushed, beautiful yet indignant. That's when I saw you in a new light. I was young then, I didn't know what it meant." Sniffing, I blinked the tears away. I clutched my chest, trying to cease it but failing.

"Can you still like me even if I love you?" He asked sincerely. I chuckled helplessly. "You're being absurd, right?"

Tom pulled me to a hearty hug. I think I'm in the right place now- warm and loved. I grinned when he murmured that he missed the smell of my hair. "I miss your soapy scent too." He loosened his grip and leaned towards me with a playful smile. Teasing him would be better but I lifted my head and closed my eyes instead, as I wait for the sweet dusk to kiss the day away.