Sweetness of The Stars

Star's Redemption

I arose from my makeshift bed and began to rub my weary and dry eyes as I lifted myself up. I sat atop the bed, and looked to the filled ice box with cans of food and sandwiches we had “scavenged” and fished out a bagged sandwich. As I tore open the packaging to my sandwich, I scanned the room with my bushed eyes, still getting used to seeing after sleeping for quite a while. 

     I sink my teeth into the sandwich packed with tender pieces of beef and juicy slices of vegetables, all of this had a little kick to my body and I suddenly became fully awake and realize I was alone in my room. Where did Star go? 

     I quickly gobbled up my sandwich then walked down the sewer tunnels towards the end. At the end of the tunnel was a hole in the wall which led to a ditch outside. I hopped through the hole and was met with a ray of blinding sunlight which softly glazed my skin in warmthness, something I learned to appreciate as we do not have access to heaters or fans that could possibly simulate such a sensation. 

     I stuck my head out of the ditch and saw a vast grassy field with a single bench, and on the other side seemed to be a highway road. On that bench sat Star, who leaned over with his head downwards towards the grass.

     “What’s wrong with me?” he said violently rubbing and shaking around his hair in a fit of both rage and confusion. He kept his hands to the sides of his head as he sat down and contemplated. “Why did I take a precious life?!” Star’s once elegant and silky voice began to break as he got to his feet and tears sparkled within his eyes.

     “N-No man deserves a death...caused by anger. I’m disgusting.” He sat back down and began to weep silently.

     As he continued to cry, I climbed out of the ditch and slowly crept to him and quietly sat down next to him on the cold metal bench. Star’s cry rang through my ears ever so painfully while I sat still, listening to the man pour out his feelings. Star eventually noticed me sitting beside him and released his hands from his face. Those hands were dampened with his tears. They were like seaweed washed up by the salty sea. 

     “I’m s-sorry you had to see my like this. I’m...disgusting,” sniffed Star.

     I couldn’t dare look at him, even if I wanted to. It was like my body was forcing me to look the other way. Star was my protector, my friend, my mentor, it was almost like it was a sin to look at him, like taboo. 

     Back in medieval times, they would say that the bodyguards to the King couldn’t show any weakness to him, as if they were protecting him and showing such a feat of softness, such as crying, it would leave the King thinking of him untrustworthy to protect, for if he could not protect his mental health, how can he protect his king? This is how I saw it. I was afraid that if I even took a peak of Star at this state, I may doubt my safety in his arms. If the time comes to it, would he even raise a hand a second time? Or will he falter?

     “No you’re not. I am,” I responded.

     Star looked to me, but I turned the other way. He sat silently for a while, reminiscing on those events, hating himself even more. 

     “He, he surrendered…and I still killed him. He pleaded to be spared, yet I still murdered him senselessly. All I had in me was anger, I’m not different from those Solar Saviors, a blood lusting maniac.”

     “I felt the same way. When you killed him, I felt some sense of joy surging through me. Last night I had a nightmare about it. I saw the man’s face flashing before me, over and over again. You’re not the only one who can’t sleep at night.”

     I felt kinda weird sharing that. I thought I wouldn’t feel this amount of pain from a Solar Savior member, they’re the ones who are hunting us down. I’ve never felt sorrow for Aki’s death either, perhaps I was relieved she died. Relieved that she couldn’t hurt Ayano anymore. Relieved that she had paid for what she had done. But…Ayano. Would she have wanted this? Would she have accepted me to feel this way? I wish I could talk to her, one more time.