Melodies

Changed

 The rest of that first week was rough. I fought the thoughts in my mind so hard but they never seemed to go away. My anorexia was also coming back and I didn't know what to do anymore. That weekend we headed out to teepee village and all I wanted to do was run away again. I didn't tell Jessalyn for fear of being very closely monitored, well more than I already had been that week. I just tried to deal with it but it wasn't working as I had hoped. 

 Friday evening we headed out on the 15 minute walk to teepee village. It felt like an eternity till we got there. But once we did I was mesmerized by the fact that we got to stay in the bushes for a whole weekend! How cool is that?! I was still hating the fact that I was here but I loved being out in the middle of the bush. We all headed to the teepee's and picked a bed. I stayed in a teepee with Jessalyn, 5 other girls from my LDP and a girl that looked about a year or two older than me. I had seen her around camp but didn't know who she was or why she was here. This made my thoughts go even crazier than they already were. I was becoming more anxious by the minute and it didn't seem to slow down. 

 Ding, Ding, Ding! Jessalyn hit the pot and yelled, "Meeting by the main fire pit!" We all scrambled out of our teepee's and ran over to the fire pit. We all sat on logs in a circle around the fire. Jessalyn explained the rules and where everything was. It didn't take long then it was time for guy/girl time. 

The guys all went off into their teepee and the girls all gathered around the cooking fire. We sat on logs and stumps in a lopsided circle. Jessalyn then got up to speak.

"Hey girls, so this weekend we have a special guest with us, Emery. She has been living with Taylor and I this last year. She is going to be telling you guys more about herself this evening through her testimony. So I'll stop talking and let her talk," Jessalyn said, then sat down on a stump near the fire pit. Emery breathed deep and then started.

"Hi my name is Emery. I was born in a non Christian home and only became a Christian at the age of 10. I have struggled with social anxiety since I was little and started struggling with general anxiety when I was 13. I have always hated social situations and talking to people. When I was 14 I came to LDP and met Jessalyn and Taylor. They became such amazing mentors for me and have become even more amazing in the past two years. After LDP and working at camp. I went back to school and some girls started to bully me. This made me extremely insecure and I started to hate my body. I started to throw up my food and stopped eating. I convinced myself that I was just making myself prettier and that is was ok. Soon I became so weak that I ended up in the hospital for a week and was diagnosed with anorexia. I didn't believe it was that bad and didn't really want to get better. I went to two different centres for rehab, but it didn't help. By the end of grade ten I was still not getting better. During this I stopped going to youth and stopped reading my bible. I didn't think God loved me anymore. Last summer I was allowed to work here at camp as support staff which really helped me getting to the point of wanting to recover. After a while I came up with an idea that I wanted to live here at camp with Jessalyn and Taylor. Slowly everything worked out and I was allowed to come stay here. I slowly started to recover and grow in my relationship with God. Then this last February I had a horrible relapse to the point that I didn't even have enough energy to get out of bed. I got to the point where I wanted to die. I was in so much pain and had horrible depression and anxiety. When I got to the worst of it, I told Jessalyn that I wanted to die. She then told me that she knew God had more for me and that she didn't want me to die. That day I rededicated my life to God. I knew he loved me and that with him I could make it through. I'm still in the process of recovering but I know that if I continue to trust God, I will make a full recovery."

Everyone clapped for Emery as she finished. I was shocked that there was someone here that really knew how I felt. Emery had felt just like I did and she got through it. I was completely shocked. 

"Do any of you have any questions for Emery?" Jessalyn asked.

"I have something to say," I said. I stood up, quite shaky and began to talk, "I have dealt with anorexia for the last 5 months. Your story, Emery, really inspired me to cling to Jesus again. I didn't actually want to come to LDP but my parents told me that I had to because they already paid for it. Now I'm so happy that I came because I've met all of you amazing people and actually feel loved here. I believe God brought you, Emery, here to speak to me. I want to rededicate my life too," I said with tears flowing down my cheeks. Everyone came around me and hugged me. Emery put her hand on my shoulder. She prayed,

"Dear Father, we have here Melody. She is such a beautiful girl and she knows that she has been drifting away from you. She would like to rededicate her life to you and follow you with all of heart."

"God, I want to come back to you. I have gone astray and am coming back. I'm sorry for all the mistakes and short comings. You are lord of my life!" I prayed.

"Amen!" everyone said in unison.