2am Thoughts

missing someone.

We used to be so close... what happened to that? Everyday, we would sit on opposite sides of the classroom and just make fun of each other. Like the day we had out the history textbooks, and I remember we would fling them open to a random page, and they would hold our fingers up the number of the page we were on, and the other person would open up to that page, and the first image you seen, the other person would claim was you, and then they would make fun of that person, and then we would switch and so on. I remember the day you randomly hugged me. I must have went crazy. There was also the day you made me shake your hand for some odd reason, and you used your other hand and rubbed mine, and then told me I had cute small and soft hands. You have no idea what you did to me that day, you became the only thing I could think about. It was like a drug. Or the days I would wear my striped dress I had, I know you loved when I wore that. Every time I did, you just couldn't  take your eyes off of me. Honestly, it was something I was never used to. I'm not exactly that popular, so I don't get a whole lot of attention from guys. But I remember the whole dress thing became a game. I eventually started wearing it more often just to tease you. I enjoyed it, because you gave me the attention I never got. You would tease me here and there, making fun of me. When I was down, I could tell you were concerned, but never dared to ask what was wrong. Then the day came that you seen my boyfriend kiss me in the hall. I knew you didn't know I had one, and me and him hadn't been dating that long. It pissed you off. I remember your face when you first seen it too, I knew I had hurt you then, and I just felt terrible. But the thing is, I waited half a year for you, and you never did anything. he liked me too, and at first I really like him too. But he wasn't you. He didn't have the same tan skin as you, or the beautiful chocolate colored eyes, or the adorable black hair you did. He wouldn't stare at me with the same look you had, he never hugged the same way you did. He didn't have the same comforting smell as you. He just wasn't you. But everything changed, and suddenly you hated me. I cried myself to sleep you know, all I could wonder is what the hell I did wrong, where the real you went. You did everything you could do, you started calling me gross, and then you completely stopped talking to me , or even glancing  my way at all. That one didn't hurt, it burned. Because I lost you. I lost everything we had, and I have no idea why. Then one day, I got a random text, saying that you just re-read all of our old messages, even though you had gotten and new phone since then, and you pointed out you thought it was gross. My friends tried saying that it was a good sign, that you were showing you still thought about me, but I didn't believe it. Because you still never turned my way. Then finally school let out and the regents rolled around . One of them, you were sitting near me, and I told the teacher I forgot to bring writing utensils. So instead, you turned to me, called my name, and gave me some of yours. That was the first you even turned my way, or talked to me in forever. I felt happy, but still distant. I thanked you and you grinned the way you used to when we first started talking. The worst part of all this that we went through though, is I found out by someone else, that your leaving. I know that I've lost you again, but the truth is, I will miss you terrible. You may have hurt me in a way, but unlike all the other assholes who spread rumors and shit about me, you didn't. No guy has ever given me those feelings before, and I know it will be hard to find someone who will, but thank you, M. I'm gonna miss you like hell. Hope to see you real soon...