The Shadow of an Angel // JACE WAYLAND (ON HOLD)

III

Azel

I'd calmed by the time the doors opened again, but where I looked up and expected to see Jace,  I found Elias instead, walking towards me with a plate consisting of one of his famous omelets in one hand and a glass of what looked like water in the other. But my attention directed solely to that wondrous smile on his face, and I didn't have time to mirror it before he set the plate down and practically tackled me in a bearhug.

"Holy shit, I missed you." He breathed, burying his head into my neck as we fell backwards on the small bed– nearly toppling off of it. His familiar, thick English accent was soothing; I'd forgotten how much I missed it– how much I missed him.

I laughed, a lighthearted noise that sounded so blithe and lovely even to my own ears, as I wrapped my arms around him. God, it felt so good to laugh again– so good to genuinely smile.

He made no attempt to move as we lay there, Eli sprawled on top of me with my head nearly hanging off the side of the twin bed. "Are you okay?" He finally asked, still not moving his face from where it lay tucked into my neck. He'd been the first to ask thus far.

I only shrugged, the best I could while the whole weight of his body was still pressing down on me. I didn't mind, not in the slightest. He was my best friend– my first actual friend. He was home.

And you were about to leave him. Not a verbal punch from that demon that dwelled within me, but a reminder. A reminder of what I had to lose had Rafael not stopped me. Or rather that there were people in this world who actually cared about me, and what they had to lose.

"By the Angel, Thea, when Jace told us what happened– what you'd planned to do..."

I remained silent, instead focusing on the name he'd addressed me as. Thea. Azel. One for the life that I'd lived, and one for what I'd locked away somehow– and had now unleashed. My current life, full of fear and hatred and failure, yet...

Eli's warm breath hit my neck as he exhaled again. "I don't blame you; not for a second do I blame you for thinking like that." He pulled back, hauling us both up into sitting positions on the bed. My legs crossed under me as his gaze peered into my own. There was not one ounce of judgment in the forest of emotions dwelling in those green eyes; only understanding– understanding and fear. "But please, please don't ever underestimate your worth like that again."

"I thought it'd be safest if I left." I admitted, my voice a low whisper. "I thought it'd stop him, or at least throw his plans of."

Again, there was no judgement in Eli's eyes, his voice as he said, "I know, but you don't have to live in fear of that, Thea." He paused, seeming to just think about that name himself. "May I call you that, or do prefer..."

"Azel." I offered, but not as an answer. "Daniel called me Azel."

"What would you like to be called?"

I shrugged, looking at my the calloused hands sitting in my lap. "According to Magnus, my mother called me Hazel."

"This is just a wild guess," He started, a gleam in his eyes as he smirked. "But I'm going to guess that it had something to do with those eyes of yours?"

"No, really?" I deadpanned, but some more of that weight lifted off my shoulders as I smiled.

He only shook his head, his own smile still playing on his lips. But his eyes became solemn. "I meant what I said, Hazel; you don't have be afraid anymore."

I snorted. "Because you guys are going to protect me?"

His eyebrow nearly raised to the ceiling. "Protect you?" He said it as if the words seemed absolutely ridiculous. "You're Hazel fucking Westchester, the girl who was raised by Vampires and can practically breath fire. If anyone is going to do the protecting around here, I'd think it to be you."

I rolled my eyes, not agreeing or disagreeing.

"But..." He swallowed, those beautiful eyes that I'd missed so much now downcast. "You don't have to be afraid of being used like that anymore– of Valentine anymore– because we are with you." His gaze met mine. "And you are not alone." Izzy had said as much, but I let him talk. "You won't be again, if you'll give us all a second chance."

"I told Jace I would." My voice was lower than intended; more fragile. Where the blonde had gone, I didn't know, but I was glad for it as those stupid, annoying, worthless tears brimmed in my eyes. "But...Eli..." I glanced back up at him, from where my eyes had averted to my hands once again. "That fear...it's never going to go away, and being so close to Valentine with all of you here..."

Azel had told me to not think of my gift as a burden. I'd believed her, shared that wicked smile with her, decided to train with it everyday to help the magic grow. But looking into Eli's eyes now, so so much was at stake. I'd stay, yes, but at what cost? If not to the ones around me, then to myself?

The demon's words echoed in my head. A horrible thing for an angel from the pits of Hell to be utterly lost in this world.

I wasn't lost, not physically; not as I sat aside Eli in that bed, not as I'd been in Jace's arms, not as Izzy had held my hand and told me that the same people who'd been terrified of me now accepted me for everything I was and more. No, my body was not lost– it was exactly where it should've been. But my mind?

Voices raced through my head, some mine, some belonging to my demon; each one fighting over what to do, where to go, who I was. Yes, I felt as if I were home, but my mind was utterly lost– scattered as every possibility for what staying or leaving might bring about.

But I said nothing, did nothing as Eli pulled me towards him and spoke soothing words that were supposed to give me courage to trust them– trust that we'd all get through this– through Valentine's plans. Together.

Those voices kept raging. Those images of possible outcomes of me staying, and even some with me leaving, kept invading my mind– each one ending with pain and death. I knew there were good outcomes– there had to be. Because I was not a weapon; I was not his weapon. I was a shortcut and his plans did not falter with me being alive or dead. He would find another way to strike; I was simply a pawn. I did't have to live in fear of being used, I could live in hopefulness of using what I'd been gifted to destroy him. I could– I would help if I stayed. Staying was good; staying benefitted the ones I cared about in this fight.

But those images kept flashing. And those opposing voices kept screaming.

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Feel free to comment/critique.

~Leeanna <3