The Other Side Of Fear[1]

Chapter 35

...another kinda long one; I always intend to split the chapters but I don't want to publish too many more😇

I sat and gazed at the circles of students around me, strolling to their morning classes, running to greet their friends by the fountain, lounging on the grass as they studied their phones or their books, stood in their groups around their cars laughing and joking and I couldn't help but wonder if any of these young people, just like me, were currently feeling a sadness just like I was.

Everybody looked so happy and normal and if you took a look at how my life had went since the day I moved here you would wonder how I was still mentally stable right now. It had been a constant flow of ups and downs and every time I thought things were getting better they got worse. Now, my mind and my body felt completely exhausted and I had lost all of the energy that I needed to cope with it all; I was done.

I came back to earth and glanced at Tiffany sat quietly and patiently beside me. She gave me a gentle smile and a reassuring squeeze of my arm and I forced myself to return a smile to her. There was no use bringing my mood down on everyone around me and there wasn't anything that was going to make the situation better so it was time to get over it.

I had locked myself away all weekend in my room. I had cried for around four hours straight then after that I didn't shed another tear but hid myself away under the covers for the rest of Saturday. I didn't leave my room Sunday and was finally visited by my mother who was careful with me as she tried to figure out what was wrong. My mind was so numb that I couldn't even find it in me to talk to her and pretended she wasn't there; I couldn't ignore the fact that my parents had been a huge part of some of the problems I had had and I wasn't about to act like everything was okay. She left me alone and I slept the rest of the day.

On Monday, neither of my parents bothered to come in and tell me to get to school and I didn't bother to get up and go either. I slept some more and by Tuesday morning I had seemed to find a little acceptance that things with Cal were done and had to stay done and ventured out of my room once everyone left for work. I tried to eat but everything tasted bland and I found it hard to swallow considering I didn't really want to eat anyway.

By Wednesday, I was numb and had lost all sense of feeling anything. I made myself finally check my phone and there was still a gentle niggle inside me as I looked at the screen, wondering if Cal might have text me. I sighed when I saw his name wasn't there and quickly pushed away the disappointment as I opened my messages. The girls had tried to contact me a lot, including April. I wasn't sure if she knew about what happened but I wasn't about to lose my friendship with her just because he was her cousin. Texting back, I let the girls know I'd be at school today without telling them what had been wrong and I got dressed and left the house.

I was glad to see Tiffany sat alone by the benches and I had joined her, sitting in silence together as she realised something was wrong the second I arrived. Now I was here, I was wishing I was back in my bed as I looked at everybody's happy smiles and carefree laughs; they were young and this was how life should be. For me, my whole experience in this town had been nothing but a nightmare and every time I thought that life was finally bringing me some happiness, it snatched it right back.

'We should get to class,' Tiffany said softly.

I nodded and we stood to our feet and paced across campus to English. I dragged my feet and kept my head low and as we strolled the halls and took our seats in class.

'I don't want to ask,' Tiffany said as we waited for our teacher to arrive. 'But I have to.'

'I know,' I breathed.

'Is it Archie again?' she asked.

'No,' I shook my head.

I wanted to tell her but I didn't even want to say it out loud for fear I might cry right here in class.