when my love stops

.7.

the next day ; at your best friends house

Y/N P.O.V

„Y/N-ieee, I've missed you so much Unnie."
shouted Momo as she opened the door for me. I gave her a weak smile, not wanting to show my sadness. She embraced me, pulling my head to her chest.

Momo was always there for me, always had an open ear for me.
"I missed you too sweetie." I mumbled into her hair, softly withdrawing from the embrace to press her a kiss on the cheek.

She took a few steps back, gesturing for me to enter the apartment. A sweet smell of vanilla overcame me and I had to smile a little bit. At Momo I always felt at home, I always feel so well and loved.

Exhausted, I let myself fall on the couch, I didn't get any sleep last night. My thoughts were still with Jungkook, he looked disappointed as I left the apartment.

*flashback ; yesterday night*

There was a knock on my door and Yumi opened it a little, wanted to see if I was still awake.

"Come in .." I mumbled, lying in my bed covered. She nodded gently and sat down on the edge of my bed, looking pitifully into my eyes. I looked to the side, too many bad memories from my childhood appeared when I saw this helpless look from her.

She sighed softly, put her hand on mine and stroked it gently to open it afterwards. Yumi put a small cup in my hand.
"Your beloved cocoa .." she gently smiled at me as I turned my head back to her.

Quickly I put my second hand to the cup, wanted to feel the heat. A small smile formed on my face, the small gesture pleased me visibly.

Yumi got up quickly, walked out of my room, but paused for a moment.
"I love you little sister, please do not forget that ..." she whispered, hoping that I did not hear it. But she was wrong, again my eyes filled with tears.

Yumi left the room, closing the door softly behind her. I took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears.
I put the cup aside after I took a big sip of it. I opened the drawer of my commode , pulled out my headphones.

After connecting the headphones to my phone, I went to Spotify and searched for my playlist. Music helped me to get a clear head, to calm me down.
I leaned back against my bed, closing my eyes to internalize the music.

I hummed softly with the song, could identify myself with the lyrics. My eyes filled with tears again, everything in me felt so heavy.

I decided to scroll through Instagram when I came across a post that made me shudder.
A cold ran through my body and it felt like my blood was freezing. My heart began to throb loudly, tears dripping from my face onto my phone and running into the cracks of the splintered glass.

Jungkook_Jeon:

liked by Jiminiee_ and 45.897 other people

It's you. You're the one I want. You're the one I want to come home after a bad day at work. You're the one I want to roll over in the middle of the night and.... continue reading

I held my breath for a moment, losing more tears. But I decided to read on ... pressed on the "continue reading"...:

It's you. You're the one I want. You're the one I want to come home after a bad day at work. You're the one I want to roll over in the middle of the night and wake up next to everyday, for the rest of my life. You're the one I want to go on late night runs with for food just because we wanted to get out of the house. You're the one I want to take on little dates like to a movie, or to a nice, fancy dinner, or to an early morning breakfast before we both have to go our separate ways for the day. You're the one I want to take on cute all day dates to things like aquariums, zoos, and amusement parks. You're the one I want to go on fun, exhilarating adventures with, such as a day at the lake, or a hike trough the woods, or even just a late night walk when everything is quit. You're the one I want to stay awake all night and build a fort while we watch a movie and eat our favorite foods. You're the one I want to make happy. You're the one I want to love, and to hold when times get tough. You're the one I want to be there for if everything in your world is chrashing down.

All my good days and my bad days, you're the one I want to spend them with. It's you. Only you. You're it. You're the one. And I swear to you, I have never been so sure about someone or something in my entire life.
It's you, and I say this without a single doubt in mind.
I love you.

—————————————————-

My My heart stopped for a moment and I threw my phone in my blanket and pulled the headphones from my ears. Again, my thoughts wandered to him, the man I love about everything.

I love him, I will always do it. My heart will always belong to him, but is that what I want? Will I continue to suffer the pain because he has already inflicted on me? Do I want that or should I give it up, should I give up on us?

Frustrated, I sighed and dropped into my bed. Sometimes I want to be able to switch off my feelings. I want to forget everything around me, everything that causes me pain...

*flashback end*

Tears started to form in my eyes as I started to think again about the last days. I miss the old Jungkook so much. The one who made me smile everyday and shared me love, the love I need so much.

Momo came out of the kitchen with two cup of tea: „What do you think of going ou... Y/N, what happened?" she quickly placed the cups on the table, ran over to me and hugged me tightly.

I began to sob loudly, put my head in her neck. „Why does it hurt so much, Momo? Why?"

She slowly caressed my hair, was shocked of my sudden breakdown.
„Shhh... everything will be alright." she flustered, wanted to calm me down....

Sometimes we have to fight against the pain. We have to go trough it, have to be strong. We are supposed to make decisions, we have to choose. It's hard to make the right decision, because we aren't sure. We have to think about ourselves, have to think about what is the best for us. And this is the hardest thing of living... making decisions...

life is struggle..

..sequel follows..