Listen Before You Go

Chapter 11: So... That Happened

oh my god 

Trigger Warning: talk of self harm, depressive, suicidal, homophobia in pasts, inability to have children. Low self image/love. 

The storm worsened during the night. Blinding electricity glittered through the midnight sky, thunder exploding in its wake. 

They both jolted awake, their arms wrapped around each other tightly. Adrenaline shooting through them.

"What the f-" Frank was cut off by another crack of thunder, and hid under the blankets at Gerard's chest. "Shit." He muttered. 

Gerard, still a little freaked by the thunder, laughed nervously. "You okay?" He asked. 

Frank pulled back and looked up at him. "Yeah, sorry." 

After a couple of minutes of lying awake listening to the storm, Gerard sighed a long, overdramatic sigh. "So, how are you?"

"Wide fucking awake."

"Me too." Gerard giggled and squirmed down into the covers to be eye-level with Frank. "What's up?"

"Thinking." Frank said.

"About what?"

"You."

Gerard frowned at him. "Liar."

"I'm not!" He giggled.

"So what were you thinking about?" Gerard raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Hm?"

Frank hesitated, as if debating if he should reply. "Why you were sad yesterday."

"Oh, that." Gerard said quietly. "Yeah, I just..."

"We don't have to talk about it." Frank said quickly. "I don't want you to feel pressured by my random comments. I can rarely keep track of my loud train of thought."

Gerard smiled a little. "I think we should talk about it."

"Okay." Frank swallowed. He hated most kinds of confrontation, but this didn't seem so bad. "What's bothering you?"

Gerard sighed. "I have to leave in September."

Oh, that. Frank had been purposely not thinking about that. He'd wanted the problem to just go away on it's own. Not like it would. He just liked to pretend.

His face fell and lightning flashed through the room brightly. "Oh...yeah."

"I know. It's just... well I..." Gerard stopped and bit his lip. "I don't know."

Frank looked back up at him and smiled. "It's okay, right?" 

"I don't want to leave." Gerard blurted out.

"You don't?" Frank blinked, not sure if he was breathing.

"Well, I do, but I don't." He looked away. "I want to go back, it's my home, my life, friends, some family. But I also don't want to leave. But I don't want to stay. You know?" 

Frank blinked a couple times. He kinda thought he had a basic idea of what Gerard was saying out of context, but he was dying for the context. 

"So..." He started slowly. "why don't you want to leave?"

"So many things."

"Big things?"

Gerard looked at him, a soft smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "One of the biggest reasons is kinda short."