Lee Felix Is Not Okay | Changlix

Chapter 1

The past few months had been difficult for Felix. Anyone close to the boy could tell he hadn't been acting his usual self. Felix was having a hard time, and although everyone could see that, Felix couldn't bring himself to actually admit it to them.

Since their Miroh comeback, Felix had been struggling with many things including his returning anxiety, identity issues, and depression.

If you were someone who truly knew Felix, you would know that he has a long history with anxiety. Since he was young he found it hard to put himself out there and talk to new people and honestly just to be out in public in general. However, soon before he debuted with Stray Kids, his anxiety had nearly disappeared and he discovered newfound confidence. It was a very good thing seeing as anxiety and stage fright aren't really things you want to have when you're a famous K-pop idol.

But, nothing good lasts forever, apparently, because right before Felix and his group-mates came back with Miroh, Felix's anxiety came crashing back to him. Along with some not-so-platonic feelings for his friend, Changbin.

His realized feelings for Changbin brought along some internalized homophobia which brought along depression and self loathing.

And at this moment, Changbin was laughing loudly across the room at some dumb joke Hyunjin had made and Felix could tell he lost a little more of himself to the dark haired boy.

"Hyunjinnie? What's a hoe? Like the garden tool???" Jeongin looked confused and Felix had to giggle at Jeongin's innocence.

"You'll learn when you're older son." Chan pat the maknae lightly on the head and Changbin laughed harder.

Felix stood from the chair he had been occupying and headed to a couch where Changbin, Hyunjin, and Jeongin were loitering.

The room was noisy and Felix felt stressed out. They were at a "get-together" thrown by their company so all the other JYP groups were there along with some non-JYP ones.

Felix tried to calm down as he stopped walking and stood in place beside Changbin.

"Felix!" Changbin threw his arm around him and squeezed and Felix first felt his heart melt and his cheeks go red and then he felt guilty and disappointed in himself for reacting in such a way.

Felix looked up and smiled as best he could at Changbin.

"Felix-hyung, are you okay? You were all by yourself and you look kinda sad." Jeongin looked serious and it caught Felix off guard. He thought he was hiding well enough.

"What do you mean Jeongin? Look at him, he's smiling!" Hyunjin said loudly and patted Felix on the shoulder.

Felix felt like dying.

"Yeah, I'm fine Jeonginnie, just a little tired." Felix gave a meek smile to Jeongin and Jeongin tried to smile back but he just looked worried.

"Okay...if you say so..." Jeongin was not convinced at all and Felix couldn't blame him. Everyone probably already knew anyways, maybe they just hated him too much to care.

Suddenly, Felix was yanked away from the group and was startled at first before he turned and saw it had been Jisung that pulled him. Jisung pulled him over to where Minho and Seungmin were and told him that they were going to play Jenga and they wanted him to join in.

There were people he had never met over here, he looked around and tried to recognize someone but the faces were all running together. Felix did not feel like talking to new people, he just wanted to go home now. He was scared.

Felix was dazed and felt his heart pounding. He felt nervous and it was getting hard to breathe.

He looked around and saw Jeongin now talking with Chan and Woojin across the room, they all looked worried and then Jeongin pointed at him.

Felix was terrified. He felt like he was dying. He could barely breathe.

He heard voices around him, Seungmin, Jisung, Minho, others...but he couldn't make out what they were saying. He felt a hand on his shoulder and then he noticed Chan marching towards him.

Felix panicked. He took off and ran to the bathroom, he heard shouts that were probably directed towards him but he could care less right now.

Felix burst into the bathroom and fiddled with the lock but he was to disoriented to figure it out. He fell to his knees and put his face in his hands, his eyes were watering, his heart was pounding, and he was hyperventilating. He could hear the music from the other room and peoples distant conversations. He tried to calm down but he was crying now. He was shaking and felt lightheaded.

He heard a noise behind him and could only assume someone had come in to use the restroom, they would probably leave and go tell their friends that they had seen Lee Felix having a panic attack in the bathroom and oh god-

Felix felt arms rap around him from behind. They held him tightly and Felix felt warmth throughout his body.

Felix passed out.