Lee Felix Is Not Okay | Changlix

Chapter 3

Today was Wednesday and Felix absolutely did NOT want to be here. In the middle of some shopping mall being forced to listen to Jisung and Minho flirt with each other. He was happy for them and all but it was unsightly to him. He wanted nothing more than to go back to the dorms and wrap himself in blankets to forget his worries.

The past few days had been a real drag. It's been 3 days since the Changbin incident and they have barely exchanged words beyond muttered "Thank you"s and "Excuse me"s and it was kind of getting to Felix. He was kind of tired of not talking to Changbin. HE hadn't really talked much to the other members either so he was getting lonely.

As Felix walked along behind the other members, he stared off into space while rubbing his arm subconsciously through his sleeves.The mall was kind of loud but Felix was too dissociated to care much. Suddenly, Felix ran into someone and fell back on his butt.

"Oh sorry, here" Chan looked down at him and reached out his hand to help the younger.

Felix frantically replied "No, no, it's my fault. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention...".

"But it's no big deal, here let me help you." Chan smiled softly.

Felix lifted his arm up to grab Chan's hand and in an instant Chan's expression changed from one of gentleness to one of shock and concern.

"Oh my god! Felix, are you okay?" Felix was confused and was going to ask what Chan had meant but then he felt a pang of panic in his chest as he realized Chan's eyes had wandered from his face to his lifted arm where his sleeve had fallen down, exposing the tens of recent scars on his wrist.

In an instant, Felix had yanked his arm downwards, letting his sleeve cover his arm once again. His heart pounded in his chest and he was frozen in place.

"I-I um-I.." Felix tried to speak, tried to make an excuse or a badly timed joke or just something. But all he could get out were stutters.

Chan's face morphed in an array of emotions, finally ending on one of sadness. "Felix...I-"

Chan was cut off by a voice, Jeongin's, yelling back towards the pair. "Guys! Come on or we're leaving you!" Jeongin was smiling widely. Felix didn't want to ruin the mood.

"We'll be right there!" Felix put on his best exaggerated fake smile and forced himself off the ground. He walked swiftly past Chan and towards the others. Chan turned around, watching Felix walk away. His eyes were filled with worry and sadness.

"Felix..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the afternoon now, 3pm, and the boys were on their way home. It was a long ride for 2 members in particular, Chan and Felix. Ever since earlier, Felix had tried to keep his distance and Chan had tried to get closer, to talk to him. Felix just though this wasn't the time or place to do that. He hadn't imagined anyone would ever find out about what he was doing, and now the thought of having to face his problem and talk to someone about it terrified him. So, here he was, squished in his seat between Chan and Seungmin, nervous and scared about the conversation to come when they made it back to the dorms.

"Chan-hyung, Felix-hyung, are you okay. You guys look worried." Jeongin had stopped talking cheerfully and had turned his attention to the two quiet boys in the seats in front of him, frowning now.

Chan seemed to be snapped out of his thoughts and he turned to smile at Jeongin. "We're okay, Jeonginnie, I was just thinking and Felix has been feeling sick today." Felix turned to Chan,thanking him silently for making him an excuse.

"Oh, okay. If I had known I wouldn't have dragged everyone out today, sorry..." Jeongin looked down and Felix turned to reassure him.

"It's alright, I had fun today!" Felix tried to smile widely and it seemed to convince Jeongin at least a little. Chan knew the truth though and stared at him knowingly, not saying anything.

"Well, okay! Next time tell us if you're feeling bad though, okay?" Jeongin smiled his wide smile and then turned away and got distracted talking to Hyunjin.

Felix smiles a little bit and looked down at his hands. He felt Chan's eyes staring at him. He checked the time on his phone. Ten more minutes. It was going to be a long day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got back to the dorms, Woojin decided to flop down on the couch (an action that he would regret, as Seungmin, Jisung, and Jeongin had decided to play Mario Kart in the living room, disturbing his peace.) Hyunjin and Minho went to their rooms to do whatever they were doing (Looking at pictures of cats, or pictures of Seungmin or something), Changbin went to the kitchen to eat, and Chan followed Felix as he tried to make his way to his room.

Felix made it to his room and tried to quickly close the door behind him but Chan stopped the door with his hand. He pushed the door open and stepped inside the room with Felix, closing the door behind him.

Felix turned around to look at Chan. "What do you want?". In reality Felix knew what he wanted. He wanted to talk about what he had seen earlier. But Felix really didn't want to do that, he knew he should, he just didn't want to.

"Felix...we need to talk." Chan looked saddened by the fact that Felix was trying to push him away. He needed to talk about what was going on with him. He had noticed Felix had been down lately, but he didn't imagine it could be this bad. He wanted to find the root of the problem and try to help.

Felix was scared. What if Chan thought he was being ridiculous, what if he laughed at his problems or said they were no big deal? Deep down he knew Chan wouldn't do that but he couldn't stop the emotions and concerns from bubbling up in his chest. Felix had to sit down, so he did. He took a seat on his bed. He was shaking.

Chan sat beside him quietly and immediately noticed the stress emitting from the younger boy. He looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Hey hey, Felix. Calm down, it's alright. Just tell me what's wrong and I can help." Chan tried desperately to calm him down but to no avail.

"No, stop, please leave I don't want to talk to you." Felix's voice was high and shaky and he looked down. He felt an ache in his chest and tears building up in his eyes. He felt numb. He wanted to talk, he wanted to have someone to confide in but he couldn't, it would only cause inconveniences for Chan. He couldn't burden Chan with his petty problems.

Chan scooted closer to Felix. "It's okay. I will listen. I'm not going to make fun of you if that's what you're worried about. We all have problems that we deal with on a day to day basis, it's okay to talk about them and release your stress." Chan could hear Felix's breathing change. Was he crying? Oh god, Chan didn't want to make him cry. Maybe he should leave--

"Chan...please help me..." Felix's voice held desperation, he could feel the tears beginning to flow down his face. He looked up at Chan with his tear streaked face and sad expression. "So much...has been happening and I don't know what to do. I feel like dying..."

Chan looked worriedly at Felix. His throat was starting to tighten and he felt like crying too. "Tell me everything."