Lee Felix Is Not Okay | Changlix

Chapter 7

Felix was sitting on Changbin's bed, waiting for him to come back to the room. He had wrapped Felix's arms in bandages after the bleeding had mostly stopped, and told him to go to his room to wait for him. Felix had obeyed, not wanting to upset Changbin more, and Changbin went to clean up the blood in the bathroom. And Felix was pretty sure he was going to do something to the razors too. Felix sighed. He was tired. His crying had stopped but his face was still stained with tears. He knew he must look like a wreck. But he honestly couldn't care less right now. All he wanted was for Changbin to come back. Pathetic, he knows, but he just wants to feel okay right now. And Changbin makes him feel like that.

Felix was lost in his own thoughts when Changbin finally returned. So, Changbin gently closed his bedroom door, sitting softly beside Felix, who was startled out of his thoughts and turned to look at Changbin. Changbin was smiling lightly at him but he looked incredibly tired. Felix felt guilty for a second before he forced the guilt away.

"...I'm sorry.." Felix spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. But Changbin heard him.

"It's okay, Felix. But you can't do this anymore. I don't want you to hurt yourself like this. It hurts me when you hurt yourself." Changbin was stressed. He felt lost, he knew Felix had been off today but he didn't think he would do something like this. He had also noticed the older cuts on Felix's arm that he assumed were from the past few months. He's disappointed he couldn't realize sooner.

"I know...but it felt like I had to. I just wanted to get away from everything. I just wanted to leave everything behind for a while...but all I did was make you worried...I just don't want to bother all of you."

"You don't bother us, Lix. We care about you. We want to help, you should feel able to come to us. I am anything but upset when you tell me about your problems, and I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. I want to know these things, so that I can help. I just want you to be okay."

Felix felt warm. He felt safe, and like not so much of a burden. Changbin liked helping him. He wanted to help him.

"You should sleep in here tonight, Felix...I would feel better if I knew you were safe." Felix felt his heart flutter and he nodded silently. They sat and stared at each other for a minute, taking in the other's appearance, before Felix laid down in the same place he had the other night.

He felt the weight of the bed shift as Changbin stood, and Felix was going to ask where he was going before he saw Changbin taking off his pajama pants, presumably to change into new ones. And for a second Felix felt guilty, he must've gotten blood on them. And then Felix was blushing as he realized he was staring at Changbin's legs. He quickly turned away and covered his face. He heard Changbin giggle across the room at his reaction.

"Calm down, I'm just changing into new pants, and it's not like you haven't seen my thighs before." Felix thought about it. This was true. They had all had to change together several times, but in this context it made Felix flush. This time they were alone, just the two of them, and Felix was laying in Changbin's bed waiting for him. Felix had to stop thinking about this situation before something...else...happened.

The weight on the bed returned as Changbin laid down beside Felix, pulling the covers over himself. Changbin wrapped his arms around Felix and squeezed lightly. "Turn around, Lix." As Changbin spoke, Felix's thoughts suddenly strayed to Hyunjin. Hyunjin who was in love with Changbin. Hyunjin who would probably hate him if he saw what was happening right now. Hyunjin who definitely deserved this more than Felix did.

"Lix?" Felix felt Changbin squeeze him again and he felt disappointed in himself. He knew Hyunjin should be here, not him. Changbin probably wished Hyunjin was here now, too.