My diary: an interactive project. Sort of.

11/29/10

Thank goodness, the number of reads has gone up! I was seriously starting to worry. I told myself that if it didn't go up at least one since the last post I would stop writing. But there are people who at least care enough to read. :) I feel a little better. And don't be shy! comments are encouraged :)

I have a really important decision to make. I'm debating on how much of the situation I can tell you without potentially being identified... Hmm. Ok.

So there is this thing. It's like a gathering. Ice mentioned it before. I kinda wanna go. It sounds fun, plus I get extra credit for class. But I'm scared cuz it's gonna be all older kids. The permission slip is due in a week and I'm undecided. I just get so uncomfortable. Oh, and it costs $100, so once I decide to go there is no turning back.

Part of me says that they want as many people from our school there as possible, and they said they like having freshman, plus I will have a few friends there. But a bigger part says, what if I embarrass myself? What if I end up standing at the side uncomfortably? It could make me hate that class forever :(

What do I dooooo? I'm so conflicted!

I have such a hard time making decisions. I hate it! I wish that for one day I could just not care what other people think or what the consequences of a decision would be. I'm missing life.

My friend is sick and won't be back to school all week. I felt so alone all day. I hate when she isn't there cuz I'm so unsure of myself, and she is so confident. It makes life easier. But one problem is that people don't understand that I'm not confident. They expect me to just go along, but I need convincing and reassuring. If people could see that then my life would improve so much! That sounded selfish :( I need a therapist. I'm sick of being so nervous all the time.

Look what's happening to me! I feel like all of you hate me and this writing is starting to make me feel worse instead of better.

I blame myself for all of it. If only I were prettier, or smarter, or skinnier, I would be confident. My life would be fixed :(

But this is no way to end a post!

Happy comment : 3 weeks till the end of the semester!

Nervous comment: 3 weeks till the end of semester exams! Ahh!

I'm scared O.o

Oh well. I'm gonna try and be happy tonight.

I forgot to add something!

Have you ever had a moment of extreme clarity? When you just knew what to do, without knowing why? I had one of those recently. I said, screw it, I'm gonna go to this convention and have fun! My resolve faded quickly. But I wanna follow it. I had one of these epiphanies a while ago when I decided that I shouldn't be jealous that my sister was maturing so much faster than me. It was at the end of the summer a year ago, and it lifted the depression that had settled in in the absence of school.

I think I should go with it, even though I'm really scared about it. I'll let you know.

One last thing: if you are a highschooler and currently in a relationship, please do not make put in front of the lockers. You are most likely in someone's way, and it's disgusting. Someone did that in front of my locker today and I gagged. "excuse me, I have to go vomit." anyone who can guess where that quote is from gets 1000 useless points! Btw sorry if it's not the exact quote, I haven't seen it in a while :)

Goodbye for now. When I check again 3 days fromnow I'm hoping the reads will be over 200. They are currently at 200, so it shouldn't be hard :)