Fifty Shades After

Chapter 2: Paternal Nostalgia

We arrive after what seemed like forever. I wake mom up and we get off the plane. We're in the prius now, and the drive back to Denver is long and quiet. The closer we get home, the more i feel regretful of everything i've done. Jesus, I'm an idiot. We arrive at grandpa's house and there's Phoebe playing on the grass. Am I glad to see her again! She gasps and waves at us excitedly and runs inside to get grandpa. "How was the trip, Annie?" Grandpa hugs mom as we get off the car. "Oh, nothing out of the ordinary." She lies. Grandpa raises an eyebrow, but let's it slide, welcoming us in. Phoebe is in my arms and she's telling me all about going fishing with grandpa. Is that all this man ever does? "Did you have fun, Teddy bear? Did ya?" She bugs me for information. "Yeah, I had a little fun." And that is half the truth. I try and remember his face when he found out who I was, but instead of making me smirk, it hurts my chest. Why? Do I feel guilty? I wonder how he took the news about Phoebe, I think while I look at her radiant smile. Was he indifferent? Surprised? Mad? I shake my head in disapproval. Why do you even care? We eat lunch, roast chicken cutlet with mash potatoes and gravy, and thank God, because I am starving.

We talk amongst each other about miscellaneous topics, including fishing. Especially fishing. We're all done with our plates, but mom leaves hers half empty. I know that sign. She's been over thinking again. "Mom, aren't you going to finish?" I interrupt the conversation. She looks down at her plate and rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment. "I'm not really that hungry, baby." She says sweetly, but all it does is get me upset. "Honestly mom, that's such a waste of food. Go on, finish it." I pick up the plates and stand up. I can feel mom gaping at me and grandpa and Phoebe are shrugging at each other. Why is she gaping? I rinse the dishes and glance over my shoulder. She's shamefully picking at her chicken with her fork and tossing it to her mouth. I smile triumphantly. It feels good to give out orders for a change. Then I vaguely wonder, how similar am I to him, really?

We say goodbye to grandpa and we're off. It feels good going home. No more big cities, just a small, relaxing suburb. However, I can't help but feel a faint of nostalgia in my throat. What am I sad for? What do I miss? And once more, my mind drifts off to the office with him. I don't understand why it's bothering me so much. Over, and over, and over again, I replay that scene. And I realize how many emotions I was holding in when I first saw him with my own eyes. I wonder- was there a hint of happiness? No. Not a chance. There couldn't be. There shouldn't be. I begin to replay the scene again, but this time, I make up different scenarios. What if I had waltzed in there and the first thing I told him was that I was his son? What if He had recognized me from the start? Would he cry? Would he be shocked? ...Would he deny me? I release an emotional sigh and mom quickly turns her head to me. "Ted?" She tries to catch a glimpse of my face. Shit! I look at my reflection on the rear view mirror. I'm red. "What is it?" I ask casually. "Are you alright, baby?"

- "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?" I chuckle, but even i don't believe my own lie. I wish I can scream. Just scream to the top of my lungs. I never lacked anything in my life. But for the first time I feel a gap. There's a missing puzzle piece and it angers me to think that it may be him. It may be my dad that I need. My eyes close, and the unsynchronized bumping of the quiet car rock me to sleep.

"We're home, Ted." Mom jolts me back to consciousness. I look up and see our house. I sigh. Home sweet home. Mom carries a sleepy Phoebe inside and I pull out our luggage from the trunk. I take two trips for that. The sun is setting, and I just finished unpacking when mom calls me. "Yeah?" I yell. "Come downstairs for some hot chocolate!" And I cannot say no to that. I race downstairs and mom is already sitting on the couch with her cup and two neat stacks of chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table. She changed into comfy clothes and has her hair down. It's nice seeing her relaxed. I take my shoes off and throw myself on the single and take my cup. "I forgot to tell you about my time with Kate." She sips her chocolate. I had completely forgotten the true objective of this trip. Talk about Major plot twists. "Well, she says hi, first of all. She scolded me for not bringing you with me, and frankly, I think she was completely right." Mom raises and eyebrow and I frown. "But, she says she'd like to see you soon, preferably not in Seattle." And I scoff. "Ava also says hi." Ava? That's right. My cousin. I've seen pictures of her, and talked to her on the phone twice, which by the way was insanely awkward, but never really in person. The sun finished setting and we agreed it was time for bed. We cleaned up and headed to our rooms. "Goodnight, Ted." Mom peeks her head from her door. "Night, mom." I smile at her and close my door.