Fifty Shades After

Chapter 8: Memories and Mistakes

I look around the room, my expression giving nothing away. I enter, exploring, observing, remembering. I feel Dad's eyes following me, everywhere I go. It all looks completely untouched, like if I was only six yesterday. There's a small bed, with fresh blankets and that new laundry smell. There's a big wooden trunk at the bed's feet. I open it, and it's filled with toys to the brink. They have an old wooden scent to them, objects that haven't seen the light of day in years, but surprisingly, they look clean- new, even. There's a tall shelf of books, the majority Dr. Seuss. I pull out Green Eggs and Ham, and put it back. I pull out Horton Hears a Who and put it back. I pull out the Lorax...

I open the book and it's scribbled all over with red and green crayon. Every page was. "Your favorite book." I hear Dad mutter from the door. I put it on the bed, and explore around some more. There's an alphabetical rug on the corner, with blocks and exaggeratedly large lego's. On the toucher, there's a remote control helicopter, by it, a wooden plane. This is my room. My old room. All of a sudden, memories start to flush in. All at once.

Yes, good! Lorax! What does that say? Spell it out, T.. R..E..E..S, yes! Good job, buddy!

Don't jump on your bed, baby boy, you'll hurt yourself. Come on, time for bed. You want a story? Which? ... Lorax, again?

- He loves that book.

- He does, doesn't he?

~

What's going on here?

-Nothing, mom!

-Nothing, mom!

-Oh, my boys. Christian, get him dressed, we're late!

~

Come on, Teddy. Let's pick up before your mommy comes home. No, no, it's SO-PHIE. Say it again.... No! not, Soe, So-phie! Silly, Teddy!

~

It's okay, buddy. It's just a boo boo, see? Look, I'll just put this band- aid on... look, it's The Cat in the Hat! You like him, don't you? Alright, so let's put it over your knee... there we go. You're very brave, buddy! Come here...

My head is aching, almost all too quickly, my distant memories begin pounding in my head, transitioning...

Ana, please! Please, don't go!

- I'm sorry, Sophie.. I'm sorry, I just can't..

-No!! Soee!! No!!

-Baby, we have to go! Baby!

- He doesn't want to leave, Ana! Please, don't go!

-Soee!!

-Ana, please, think about this, think about your son.

- You don't know what it's like, Gail! You don't!

-Soee!

-Your son, Ana.

-I am thinking about him! I can do it alone, I'll raise him!

-Ana, don't take Teddy! Please!

-Soe!! No!!

Shit! I'm feeling nauseous, I've lost my balance. "Ted!" Dad runs to me and clutches my forearms. "What's wrong? Ted!"

- "Get me out of here," I mutter, a bittersweet taste in the back of my throat, I feel it slowly rising. I'm going to throw up.

He's walking fast, almost dragging me, and we arrive at a bathroom. Shit, it's huge.