Running from You

11

"Do you want chicken or curry?"
My mom pours boiling water in the two cups of instant noodles.
"Chicken" I say, typing words into my phone. "Just the noodles, not the soup".
"Alright..."
She walks over to me, and puts the cup down on the table standing before me.
"Coaster" I say.
"Oh, right".
She puts the cups on coasters, and grabs the TV remote.
"What do you want to watch?" she asks. I shrug, continuing to look up the prices for a flight to Paris. Lucas is leaving in two weeks, he said. Ridiculously fast if you ask me. She puts on some weird sitcom, and I half listen to what's happening.
"I need a job" I say, sighing.
"What? Why?"
"A flight to France costs three thousand dollars" I say.
"For one person?"
"I can't travel alone, I'm a minor" I say, and I shut my phone off. It's no use, I'll never be able to afford that.

"Mom?" I ask. My mom, who was just swallowing a spoonful of noodles, looks up at me.
"Yes sweetie?"
"Why is my name Dean?" I ask. She frowns lightly, but puts her fork back in her plastic cup. She puts it down on the table.
"It comes from grandpa's name" she says. "He was named Daniel".
"Is Dean short for Daniel?" I ask.
She shrugs. "I just thought it sounded kind of similar".
I chuckle.
"So Dean isn't short for anything?" I ask.
"Not in your case. I'm sure it's officially short for something, but I was seventeen when I had you. I didn't think about it too much" she says, and her smile fades a little bit. "I was more worried about finding a place to live".
"I'm glad you chose Dean over Elvis" I say. She chuckles again, a sad undertone in her laugh.
"I decided to name you after my father the moment Rob left. I was never too big on Elvis in the first place".

I stare at her, mindlessly stirring my noodles with my fork. I wonder if I can get her to talk about my dad. I don't care about him, obviously, but now that I've found out he still exists, I realise that it's weird I know nothing but his voice, his first name, and the fact that he maybe has a sister.
There's been a certain kind of tension between me and my mom ever since dad first called. The only reason I even talked to her when she first came home after a long day of work was because I felt so bad for her. I think I have all the right to ask her about my dad now.
"Do you know why he left?" I ask. She just happens to stuff half of her noodles in her mouth at that moment so she can't answer my question right away. When she finally swallow everything, she looks at me.
"We were teenagers. We had fights all the time, and whenever we made up we said we'd get married. I just think he couldn't really handle the pressure. I'm sure that if he held you, he would've stayed in an instant. Or at least keep contact" she says.

She reaches over, and lovingly strokes my head.
"I had my doubts too, but they all disappeared once I finally saw your little face".
I smile awkwardly, not used to this blatant affection.
"Now, I have to go to work. I'll be back home in two hours, could you do the dishes?"
"Of course mom" I say, and I eat the rest of my food. "Have fun".
She scoffs, and shakes her head.
"I have to clean some old rich guy's house, he's the least fun person in the world".
My mom recently took a second job. She said it's to start saving up for when I go to college.
"Well, in that case, good luck".

She leaves the house, and closes the door behind her. I stare at the door for a second, and then glance at my phone. Lucas sent me a message.

Dumbass:
My mom just showed me the house
It's gorgeous
I hate it

You:
Send pic

He sends me a photo of a big, luxurious looking house.

You:
Wow
At least it's big

Dumbass:
Yeah
Would prefer it if you were there too though

You:
That's kinda gay

Dumbass:
Wow
You racist

You:
Homophobic*

Dumbass:
Yeah that's so much better
Gtg mom wants me to do my homework
Idk why
We're leaving in two weeks

You:
Bring it tomorrow
I'll do it

Dumbass:
You're the best
Love you
Goodnight
Sweet dreams

You:
Gn

When he's done sending me an overabundance of emojis, I shut my phone off, and let out a long breath. I still can't entirely fathom the fact that he's actually leaving. It just doesn't feel real. I've spent all my life with him, it doesn't seem possible for him to suddenly... not be here.

Suddenly, the house phone rings. Without thinking too much about it, I pick up.
"Dean Walker" I say. There's a short silence at the other end of the phone.
"You took your mom's last name then?"
I feel that strange ache in my stomach again, and I instantly lose all capability of speech. Hi dad. Great to hear from you again
"Uh... Y-yeah..."
"I didn't know what else to expect".
"I don't even know yours" I admit. "Mom never really talks about you".
"It's Deacon".
"Rob Deacon" I say quietly.
"Yeah, Dean Walker sounds better than Dean Deacon" the man says. I chuckle, albeit still a little nervous.
"Still better than Elvis Deacon" I say. The man laughs too, a short, deep laugh.
"Dean, I was hoping we could get to know each other a little better. I'm just not sure how Sylvia feels about that".
"Sylvia?"
"Yeah, your mother".
"Oh, right. Of course. No, she probably doesn't like it".
"Ah".

I take a deep breath.
"But uhm... You're still my dad... I guess".
"How would you feel about trying to stay in contact with me? I just want to explain my side of this story".

I'm quiet for a moment. I'm not mad at him, but I also don't want to suddenly be friends with him. All he makes me feel is nervous, really. But I do want to know why he left. I want to know how he justifies it. So, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for what I'm going to say next.
"That sounds good" I say. "But at least tell me something about you so I know what you're like".
I hear a long, relieved sigh coming from the other end of the phone.

"Okay, I... I like to ride a motorbike".
"Oh, interesting" I say, and without thinking, I continue with: "I would hope you're wearing a helmet".
He laughs again, a bit harder this time. It makes me feel strangely uncomfortable. I don't want to talk to him like he's my friend. He has to understand he's not. At all.
"Sorry" I say awkwardly. "I'm used to babysitting my best friend".
"Oh, hahah. What's his name?"
"It's Lucas" I say. A smile automatically comes to my face upon saying his name. When I realise that that's kinda weird, I feel my cheeks flush. It's probably just the leaving-to-Paris thing though, so I decide to brush it off.
"Uh, anyway, my mom will probably be home in a while, I should go. I'll just text you or something".

"Okay, bye Dean".
"Yeah, bye... Uhm..."
"You can call me Rob. I understand calling me dad is probably still a little weird to you".
"Yeah, okay. Bye Rob".
"Good night".
He hangs up, and I stare at the phone for a second, before letting out a shuddering sigh and putting the phone back on its stand. I guess I kind of have a dad now.

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