Running from You

15

"Hey, I don't think I'm coming over this afternoon".
I look at Lucas. He's fiddling with the tips of his hoodie strings. It's nine days until he's leaving.
"These are called aglets, did you know that?"
I sigh.
"Yeah, I do" I say. "You made me watch every episode of Phineas and Ferb with you".
He smiles nervously.
"It's a very educational show. I bet nobody knows what the tip of a shoelace is except people who watch Phineas and Ferb and nerds".
"I bet nobody watches Phineas and Ferb except for children and idiots".
"You watched it".
"You forced me to" I say. "Listen, it's fine if you want to go home. No need to be so nervous about it".

He scoffs.
"I wasn't nervous".
"You were fiddling with your aglets and rambling. You were super nervous" I say.
"Okay" he gives in, surprising me. "I just think it's best if I don't spend all my time away from my dad. He's getting annoyed about it".
"That's fine" I say, and I pat his shoulder. "You don't have to wait for me while I have health class now".
"That's true" he smiles. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then".
He leans his elbow on my shoulder, and turns his head to me.
"Good luck in health class".
I look back at him.
"I'll manage" I say.

And then I notice how close his face is to mine. I feel my entire face heating up again. Oh lord. I just hope you don't see it very well if I'm turning red.
"Now you go home and watch Phineas and Ferb with your dad".
He chuckles, his breath hitting my face. It makes me feel goosebumps. Stop that.
"I don't think he likes that. I watched the news this morning so we could talk about that!" he says, looking very proud of himself. It makes my stomach feel weird and warm. Because he's adorable.

I try to repress that thought, but I can't help it. Because he's adorable.
"I should... Uhm, I should get to class" I stutter, and I take a step back. Lucas looks slightly taken aback, but he quickly regains his composure.
"Okay, see you tomorrow!" he says, and he bounces on his feet a little bit while he turns around. And that image is now stuck in my brain permanently. Because he's adorable.

I shake my head, and let out a long, tense breath. What is going on with you Dean?

After health class, I go outside. I left my coat at the gym lockers today, because we had volleyball practice this morning. I see Alex and Jay sitting at the bleachers, chatting and laughing. When Alex sees me, she waves. I wave back, not in the mood for conversation. Alex and Jay give off very strange vibes. However, while walking back out of the locker room with my rain coat, Jay calls me over. Reluctantly, I walk towards them.

"What's up?" I ask.
"Where's Lucas?" Alex asks.
"Yeah, I'm good too. Thanks for your interest" I roll my eyes.
"It's just that he's always with you" Jay says. "And I'm doing very well".
She gestures to the bench right beneath her. I sit down, hoping I won't have to stay for too long. It's cold, and I kind of want to go home.
"Lucas went home" I say. "His parents don't like that he always goes to my house".
"Aw, that's sad" Alex says.
I shrug. "I can live without him for a day".

Jay grins.
"Hey, Dean. Can I ask you something?" she says. I want to say no. But, that would be rude, so I nod shortly.
"What's Lucas's favourite song?"
I frown. That's not a kind of question I was expecting.
"It's Take on Me by aha, why do you-"
"And his favorite movie?" Alex interrupts. I glare at her, annoyed by her interrupting.
"The second Nanny McPhee movie. Is this-"
"And his favourite food?" Jay asks.
I roll my eyes.
"Are you going anywhere with this?" I ask. There's a light smirk on her lips, and she stretches out.
"Okay, let's just cut to the chase" she decides. Alex smiles excitedly, and looks from me to Jay. I raise an eyebrow, not very excited for what Jay is about to say.

She moves towards me, leaning on her knee with her elbow. I look up, arms crossed.
"Do you, or do you not..."
Alex squeels excitedly, as Jay leans even closer to me. Her face just inches away from mine.
"...have a crush on Lucas?"
I feel my entire face turning red within a second, and I move away so quickly I almost fall off the bleachers backwards. I scoff, and then laugh, en then shake my head furiously.
"No!" I say. "No. No I don't".
Jay shrugs.
"Okay then" she says.
"Why would you even think that?" I ask.
"Just wondering" she says simply.
"That's just idiotic" I say.
"Alright" she says, a chuckling slightly.
"That's stupid. There's no way" I say.

"You're being awfully defensive" Alex remarks. Jay looks up at her, before looking back at me with a grin.
"She's right, you know" she says. "I just asked you a simple question".
"That's not a simple question!" I say, noticing how high my voice is suddenly. Because they're wrong. They're so wrong. I do not have a crush on Lucas. So what if I start blushing like crazy whenever he even remotely hints at the fact that he thinks positively of me? And so what if I think he's one of the prettiest people on this planet? And so what if I've thought he's adorable on several occasions these past few weeks? It's just friendship stuff.

"Dean?"
I look up, snapping out of my thoughts. Jay's grin has changed into a gentle smile, and Alex has tilted her head a little bit. I let my eyes switch between them, taking in their expressions. They look like they just want to help. And I hate it. Because they're making me question if they're right. Or worse yet, they're making me realise that they probably are. I feel my stomach drop upon thinking that thought, and I feel my breath quickening as the realization starts to settle on me. It makes me feel heavy, and a certain kind of panic rises up in me.

My eyes are so wide open now that they're starting to hurt in the wind. I blink a couple of times, and then look up at Jay.
"Shit" I whisper. Her smile widens a little, eyes filled with understanding. Alex looks satisfied that I've finally given in.
"I... Shit".
I dig my head into my hands, sucking oxygen in through my teeth. I tense up a little when I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I don't look up. Jay gently strokes my shoulder, occasionally giving me a reassuring squeeze.
"Is he okay?" Alex asks.
"Give him some time" Jay says, and she pulls her hand back. "He just found out he has a crush on his best friend. Who's also a boy, by the way".
"So is he gay?"
"Al, be a little sensitive".

"I'm not" I say, looking up. "Gay. I had a girlfriend".
"So you're bi then" Alex concludes.
"Is it that simple?" I ask.
"No" Jay says, and she turns around and sits down next to me. "But it seems that it'll be best for you to just keep it simple now".
"Join the squad Dean!" Alex says excitedly, clapping her hands. "Bi gang rise up!"
"Yay" I say sarcastically, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted.
"Al, time" Jay says, and she turns to me. "Maybe you should go home, Dean. We promise we won't tell anyone".
"Not even Landon" Alex says.
"Or your twin sister" Jay tells her.
"Or her boyfriend. Or anyone else in this world. Your secret is safe with us" Alex concludes.

I get up, and rub in my eyes.
"I'm not sure if I should thank you or be mad at you" I say. Jay shrugs. Alex grins.
"You would've found out some day. It's just that we were smart enough to see it right away".
"I think it's funny that you're saying that like you two having been darting around each other awkwardly ever since that party of yours" I say, and I feel the faintest hint of a smile come to my lips when I see both Jay and Alex turn a shade of red.
"I'll see you around. I'm going to go home and ponder all my life choices now".
I turn around, and walk away. Each step feels heavier than the next. There's a strange, hollow feeling in my stomach that I now realise has been there for a while already.

But I can't deny it anymore now.

I have a crush on Lucas Farell. My best friend.

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