Running from You

21

"Mom".
My mom looks up as I walk into the living room, and her eyes fill with compassion when she sees me.
"Hey honey" she says.
I stare at her, unable to think of anything to say. I have to say something. But I don't know what.
"He's gone" I manage to say. She sighs, and nods. I stare at my feet for a second, processing how I feel now. Lucas left. I told him how I feel, and he didn't hate me for it. Not that I expected him to, he's not prejudiced as far as I know.

"I know dear" my mom says, and she pats the empty spot on the couch beside her. I walk over to her, and sit down. She puts an arm around me, and pulls me against her. I don't even fight it.
"Mom?" I say quietly.
"Yes?"
"I'm in love with him".
A small smile comes to her face, and she presses a kiss on my hair.
"I know honey" she says. I frown, and her smile widens a bit.
"I kind of figured" she says. "When you talked to me last week. I'm your mom, I know you".
I look at her, a small smile coming onto my face too. It's not necessarily a happy smile.

I can't sleep that night. No matter how hard I try. I try changing positions, I try staying in one position, I try stuffing my head into my pillow until I faint and wake up the next morning, but none of it works. I roll onto my side, and stare at my alarm clock. 3 AM. I groan, rolling my eyes, and reach for my phone. I should just accept the fact that I'm not going to sleep anytime soon.

I scroll through YouTube for a while, watching videos with the volume as low as possible. Suddenly, I get a WhatsApp notification.

Dumbass:
Hey

I click it immediately, and start typing.

You:
Hi
How was the train?

Dumbass:
It was alright
I couldn't sleep
Why are you up?

You:
Can't sleep either

Dumbass:
Aw that sucks :(
I just arrived at the hotel
Im going to try to sleep again
Good luck in school Monday

You:
You too
When do you start?

Dumbass:
I think next week on Monday
I'm nervous

You:
Don't be
They'll love you

Dumbass:
Aww thanks
You're the best
Alright my dad's back
Goodnight

You:
Gn

I breathe out, and rub in my eyes. I feel very relieved he's still treating me like he normally does. I stay up until 5 am, before I decide to try again. I close my eyes, breathe out, and I finally drift into a deep sleep.

I stay asleep until late in the afternoon, when my mom finally decides it's enough and wakes me up. I take a shower, get dressed, and go downstairs.
"Hey honey" my mom says. "Are you feeling better?"
I shrug.
"I'm fine" I say, though I'm not entirely sure if that's true. Lucas is still gone, he still knows about my feelings for him, but he also treats me the way he always does and we still talk via WhatsApp. So I'm in the middle. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. I just... Am.

I look on my phone, and see that Rob sent me another message. I sigh, as I open it.

Rob:
Hello
How is your weekend so far?

I'm about to send him "fine", but I change my mind.

You:
Not great

There is no response, and I can see him typing and deleting a message several times.

Rob:
Can I ask why?

You:
My best friend just moved to Paris
So yeah
That happened

Rob:
Oh
That's awful

You:
Yeah

I think for a moment. He's really trying his best to talk to me, maybe I should try too.

You:
How about you?

Rob:
My weekend was good
I just bought a Guinea pig
His name is Joey

You:
Cute
I have to go

Rob:
Bye Dean
It was good to talk to you

You:
Yea

I go offline, and sigh. Well, that's one thing I did today. Maybe I should tell Lucas about it, he encouraged me to do it. I sigh. I'll do that later.

That night, I check my phone to see if Lucas sent me anything. He hasn't. I frown, but don't think too much of it. He's busy, he doesn't have time to chat. His parents are probably pressuring him into silence, and he still can't take his medicine because he needs to sleep. I can't help but worry about him. Stupid love. I hate it. I chuck my phone at my desk, and pull the covers over my head. Please, just let me sleep tonight.

Of course I don't get to sleep.

I'm awake again, 3 am and not even a little bit sleepy. Tired, yes. I'm exhausted. But my eyes are so awake that it takes more energy to close them than keeping them open. I sigh, reaching out for my phone again. I barely just grabbed it, and it suddenly starts ringing. I drop it on my bed, cursing to myself quietly as Never gonna give you up blasts through my room. Great, Lucas changed my ring tone again. I pick up, and take a deep breath.
"Hello?" I ask. There's a long silence, and I start to realise it's probably not a good idea to pick up if someone calls you at 3 am. But before I can hang up, I hear a voice.

"Dean?"

My eyes widen a bit.
"Lucas?" I ask, struggling to keep my voice down. "Aren't you supposed to be on a plane right now?"
"I... Uhh..."
Something's wrong. I can hear his breathing, it's uneven. Even more uneven than Saturday night. He sounds disoriented.
"Lucas, are you okay?" I ask, concerned now. It's quiet again.
"No".
"What's wrong?"
"I'm... Can you come pick me up?" he asks.
"Where are you?" I ask.
"The train station" his voice sounds. It's shaking too much. He's talking too slowly.
"Our train station?"
"... Yes".
"Why are you there? You're supposed to be in Wisconsin..."
"Dean I'm scared" he stutters. His voice is high, and slightly squeeky.

I hear some stumbling from the hallway, and then my door opens. My mom is looking at me, a confused look on her face.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
I mouth at her to wait.
"Where at the train station are you?" I ask.
"I... I uh... I don't... The toilets?"
"Okay, I'm coming for you".
"...I can't breathe".
And he hangs up.

"Shit" I mutter, and then I turn to my mom.
"I have to go to the train station".
"Dean, it's 3 am!" she exclaims. "First I wake up to that awful song, then you're telling me you have to go..."
"It's Lucas" I say. "Something is wrong with him. He's at the train station, our train station".
Her eyes widen a little bit.
"I'll just take the subway. Sorry for waking you up".
She sighs, groans, and rolls her eyes.
"I'm not letting my relatively attractive teenage son ride the subway alone at night" she says. "Get dressed, I'll see you downstairs in five minutes".

ШШШ