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XII

A/N: Y'all should recognize this picture from the trailer for Fight, Love, Live! Y'all probably thought it was supposed to be for her death but nope, I'm just full of surprises! Sorry about the one I've thrown on y'all the past few days, but I promise things will eventually get better! 

Also, I start school back tomorrow (well, I have two introductory classes tomorrow and Tuesday, but the real things starts on Wednesday) so starting Wednesday it's going to be back to updating very infrequently and I'm sorry about that! But I hope you enjoy this one, and the ones I've posted the past few days! (And yes, I know it's a weird time to start school back, but I'm year round, and I only had about two weeks off starting Sep. 15 when my summer classes were over so it makes sense when you think of it that way!)

It's been a week of blissfully living with Morgan Jones. He does still seem a little unhinged, but from what I've been able to tell, he's doing better. I think... I think having Dale and I to look after has helped him. 

He used to have a son. Duane. He was still alive when Rick helped them, but he hasn't been able to tell me how he died yet, and I haven't pushed him. I'm just thankful he's stopped waking me up in the middle of the night with a gun to my head, not remembering who I am because of his nightmares. That stopped happening two days ago, and it's been good since then. 

He's helped me find a crib for Dale, helped me find toys, and playpens, and has even allowed me to rearrange his home so that the top floor is boobytrap free so that Dale, when he starts crawling, is free to move around as he pleases, without the fear of him being decapitated. It wasn't that hard to convince him that if they made it up the stairs of death as I termed them, then they deserved to kill us in our sleep.

The town's been quiet. And I don't know if that's a good or a bad sign. 

It could be good. Merle and Rick may have convinced the group to try and find me, and they would have assumed that I would have moved further off than two miles from the hospital, so they wouldn't look for me here. 

Or it could be bad. They could be setting up in the hospital, decided not to search for me, and could be showing up in the middle of town looking for supplies any day now. 

Morgan is convinced that if they show up, he'll be able to fend them off, but I'm not so sure. Merle is probably pissed off, and he's reckless on his good days. And then there's Rick and Carl. I wish I had been able to tell them goodbye. Share one last hug. But they would have stopped me. And I couldn't stand to see him carry on with that woman for one more minute. 

No. 

I'm done with... him. And I pray to God every night that'll I'll never have to see his face again. Yeah, I've moved into full blow, homicidal woman, pissed the fuck off land. And I probably won't ever leave that mood. But I have to... survive. Somehow, for my son. 

My son... my poor precious baby has already lost two fathers in his life time. I won't let him lose me, not even to myself. 

"She's not out here." I growled out, stomping through the woods behind Daryl, once again. 

"Yes, she is. She has to be." He was hardly speaking anymore. So when he does, his voice cracks, and makes him sound more pathetic than he already is. 

"You know. If you could've just kept it in your damn pants long enough for her to get better, we wouldn't be in this damn mess!" I roared, not even giving a damn if someone, or something heard me. It doesn't fucking matter anymore. She's gone. And she's not coming back. If she's even still alive. 

"I know! Don't you think I know that? I screwed up! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? I made a giant fucking mess, and I don't know how to fix any of it. I can't catch her damn trail, I don't know where she would've gone, I don't know where my son is, and I don't know what I could say to her if we even found her. I get it, okay? I hear what you all say when you think I'm not listening. That it's pointless. That she's either out there... struggling to stay alive by herself, with no protection and a baby, or she's dead. And if she's dead, then I killed her. I know. I've heard it. I've thought it myself honestly. But what else can I do? Go back to the fucking hospital and sit around like everything hasn't completely turned to shit? Pretend that the love of my life isn't out there because of me? Pretend that my son isn't out there... because of me? There's nothing I can do... except this. I can keep searching. And maybe, maybe I'll find her. And if not, maybe one of those fucking things will kill me and put me, and everyone else out of our misery. And maybe that will atone for what I've done. Probably not. But... maybe." He was sobbing. Leaning on his knees, and resting his ass up against a tree. 

He was wrecked honestly. I've never seen him like this. Not even when we all thought she was dead was he like this. 

And... I don't know how to help him. 

"I don't know what you want from me man. You're the one that did this. You. Not Riley, not Carol, as much as I would like to blame her for all of this. It was you. Your decision. And it doesn't matter your reasons man. It happened. I'm gonna help you find her. But I'm gonna do it for her. Not for you. But for her, and for that baby. They deserve a family. They didn't deserve what you've done to them. And I just want to let you know, that until she forgives you... I won't. I won't be your brother, I won't be your friend. She is my sister. The one you gave me when you married her. And you are the one who screwed this up." I growled, turning away from my wrecked, idiotic excuse for a sibling to head back towards the hospital. We had gone out three miles further than we were supposed to today, and everyone was probably wondering where we are. 

"Oh. And we took a vote last night. After you went to bed. And while Carol was on watch. If Riley comes back... we're not going to let Carol stay. She's out. She's not a productive member of the group, and since T-Dog's death, and Riley's coma, she hasn't been helping the group. She has purely been focused on giving you... well. She's been focused on servicing you. So. When Riley comes back, she's gone. You have a decision to make if that happens." I said, talking over my shoulder to the man who still hadn't moved off that damn tree, but I froze when he spoke again. 

"There isn't a choice there."