Prologue

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I want my own.

I want to feel the trepidation tearing at my feet, the ache in my chest, the alarm in my head, the burden in my heart.

I want to grasp it all.

The feeling of actually going through something that could destroy me in so many ways astonishes me. I envy people who survive and get to tell this marvelous story.

The feeling of recognition and want by others seems so close yet so distant. I'm needy, I know. But I can't help it. The need for this feeling is something I can't get past. It's like the world drags me deeper into the hidden abysses of disaster but always puts it just out of reach.

It's really like a game of cat and mouse. I'm the cat, disaster is the mouse. It looks like I'd prevail but, in the end, disaster glides into its hole in the wall, keeping me from what I truly desire.

That's everything I craved.

That's everything I've always craved.

That is until I met him.

He ruined my life.

But I relished every finishing moment.

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