A Time for Love

Day 7

I wake up covered in sheets that I had bunched around myself because the fan overhead made the room so cold. 

Eyes closed, I had believed for a second that I was back in my own room, and that the events of the last 3 days had been a dream. I open my eyes, however. 

I leave the room to find Edward laying on the couch asleep. I should have remembered him insisting that I stay over, but I did not. Perhaps he had taken me out and I got drunk again. 

I rub my cheeks with my hands. I hope to God that I didn't get drunk. Not that it matters what he thinks of me, but still. 

When I had met Steve, I fell head-over-heels in love with him. My mom warned me, I even warned myself, but I couldn't help but to think of him everyday. I thought he was so smart. He was studying Psychology like me, but he also read extra books on top of the work he was doing. He was also very interested in getting to know and analyze me. It must have been the way he stared at people - maybe he liked it. Maybe he had a sexy psychiatrist fantasy. 

I wanted to know the thoughts in his head. Wanted to kiss every part of his body. I even imagined burying him against my chest like a mother would to an infant for the first time, simply because I adored him. I was ridiculous. 

That's why, when he hit me and then blamed me for being emotionally dependent and abandoned me, I drowned myself in alcohol. 

I sent him a torrent of nude pictures. Some of them were erotic. When Steve didn't respond, the pictures turned to degrading. It got harder and harder to text him, until he stopped texting me at all. 

2 years later, when I saw the Facebook status "In a relationship with Amber Lu," I understood. Amber was not a drinker. She wasn't emotionally erratic. She was perfectly sane, knew what she wanted, and felt no qualms about sweet talking her way into getting what she wanted. She was a person with a perfectly tailored social media profile, involvement in the social seasons, and a voice with a had ridiculously high tone of voice. Just like my sister before the veil was lifted, and she was forced to evacuate her suburban wife club forever. 

It was too much effort to compete with Amber Lu, let alone be stuck in this time period where every woman was trying to do the same thing. 

Recognizing that I had been staring at Edward, I set off to the kitchen. There was nothing in the kitchen but toast, which I put in the toaster, and jam. There was a kettle but I had no absolute clue how to work that thing, so I just ignored it. 

The smell of food wafted into his nose, waking him up. He smiled at me. 

"Nice to wake up at your own flat" he said. 

He stretches his lengthy body before sitting up and walking to the table, smiling at what I lay out for him. He bites through two pieces like a starved animal, not knowing that I was getting an extra plate for the other 2 toast. I bite my tongue. He doesn't have to know. 

"So I guess you'll want to be getting back to America" he says. 

"No..."

"Why?"

"My family paid for my way into America, but they are not there. They are in..."

"Germany" he replies. "I can tell that you are German. You are worried about them. 

"Yes" I say. "Seeing as there is nothing I can do, I'd rather make my contribution to the war effort here in any way I can."

"That's very noble of you" he responds, nibbling on the third piece of toast to my bitter annoyance. Swallowing, he continues. "I sensed the air of espionage around you, but I am not expert in these things. That lies more with my brother Ernest. He is a spy. Moved to America after the first world war, got married, and had kids. Only it was the Depression, and they lost the money they had in the stock market. His wife Sadie had begun to develop a drinking problem. They all tried to get her help, but eventually Ernest had to divorce her. He left for Japan to study the fascism rising there. That's where he met his current wife in China. That spy job propelled him to the top. Maybe if I hook you guys up, he can also find a job for you. God knows you're smart enough for it."

What is it with men and Asian women? Biting back my racist thoughts, I nod.

"How will I meet Ernest?"

He smiles at me.

...

After shopping in London, we take the train to the country. Women stare at me jealously, but that is probably due to the olive skin from my tanning lotion - something that clearly wasn't capitalized on yet. 

"I still can't believe you want me to be your fake girlfriend" I say to Edward. 

"It's fine" he replies, shrugging. "They need to believe that a little Eddie is going to come after I die in battle. The Nazis are getting closer any day now, and we could all be gone."

"What about 'keep calm and carry on?'" I ask.

He smiles at me.

"It's a nice sentiment, but it won't last if the bombs get strong enough to wipe out full cities."

We were silent for a moment. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be always trying to make everything positive. I should have asked you how it went out there."

He shakes his head. 

" I don't want to talk about it."

"I've always been bad at grief" I confess. "I run away from it, not confronting myself with reality. 

He holds my hand. 

"You're sweet to be so concerned for me. I did not deserve to find a pretty dame like you."

He shakes his head. 

"It is I who should be grateful" he continues. "Death stared me straight in the face, and you filled into my life like a ray of light illuminating the darkness."

Ray of light? Surely he doesn't mean that.

"Would you go stead with me?"

Heat flushes to my face. He's cute, but I wasn't ready for this question. He looks so innocent too, like he really wants me to say yes.

"Uh..."

"You're hesitating" he says. 

"It's not that I don't think you're cute, you're hot and nice. I would go out with you, but..."

He looks into my eyes. 

"Who hurt you?"

The train jerks to a stop as deer pass. So full of intensity, our gazes are sucked back out into the world.