A Time for Love

Day 15 - 2019

I am back again. Found myself walking down the same path I used to take in a drunken stupor, finding myself feeling still a little drunk. Rum is in my hand - how completely ironic. It's mostly gone. I go to the liquor store to buy more, and it's a few moments as I'm about to walk in that a hangover hits my brain. I guess my break from alcohol has served it's purpose because now I feel like a lightweight. All because I thought, once more, like the true Idiot I was... that I was in love.

I stumble back into my apartment. Callie is sitting on the couch, staring at me. 

"Hi Annie" she says. 

"Hi Callie" I reply. "Why didn't you lock the apartment?"

"I knew that you would come back here" she says. "You need help."

"I do not" I retort back. "If the one you loved abused, left, ignored, and forgot about you - you would feel the same. You're just saying that because you're a virgin."

She scoffs.

"That's so typical of you to say that. As if I haven't ever had heartbreak of my own" she says. "Do you still think you're in love with him? It's time to move on Annie, for your own sake."

I do not answer. I hadn't concerned myself with thinking too heavily on Steve for two whole years. The feelings were now with me again, on top of everything I had begun to feel for Edward. 

"Listen" says Callie, "Even if you do still care for him, he's a total dick. I just heard them arguing not too long ago. Apparently Steve had tried to find Amber long ago. Apparently there's some porn-star that looks just like her. It turned out that it was her sister Jade, and he just figured this out. That's why he thought she was so wild in the bedroom."

"What the actual fuck" I say.

"Yes" continues Callie. "She ran out of here crying. Instead of apologizing, Steve just let her go. Then he came out of her room. I stared at him asking, 'You just want sex all the time, don't you?' He got really defensive and pissy. Started talking about how every girl he loves leaves him when they figure out how weird he is, and that is why he can't let alone close to him - why he must always 'have the upper hand.'"

"That makes no sense."

"I think he isn't over you. He will come back for you - eventually. You just don't want him back Annie, even if you think you do. He's just going to keep trying to fill a void just like you. Go get help. Live your life."

I try to bite back a smile at the thought of Steve coming back for me, but it just makes Callie even more annoyed. 

I sigh.

"The meds didn't help me" I say.

"Even so," says Callie, "Therapy could help you. He's not worth it. You have to love yourself before you love anyone else."

...

Later on, I listen as Amber comes back. She's on the phone, bickering. I can hear her sister on speaker phone. 

"You ruin everything Jade" she says. 

"It's not my fault your poor guy has a thing for me."

"He wants me. He knows this, deep down" retorts Amber. "I'm not self-destructive, and I actually care about people. I visit his mom and dad for the holidays... are you listening?"

"I'm sick and tired of your boohooing. I've got a new job" says Jade.

"Yeah... like last time?"

"No. This is different. It's secret and very important."

"Photography won't pay your apartment bills forever Jade. There's only so many 'Naughty Girl' shoots you can do" chides Amber.

"I wish you would believe me. Anyway, good luck with getting your man back"" says Jade.

"I will... unlike some people" says Amber with extra emphasis. I knew that she wanted me to listen, and that the comment as not meant for her sister.

Jade chuckles. 

"Goodnight my love" says Jade.

That night, I dream of Jade. If this was the same Jade I knew, perhaps I could stop her. Perhaps, I could even get Steve back.