“Hiyo… No. Celina please listen to me, After listening to everything I wanted to say then decide if you don’t really want to have anything to do with me. I’ll accept it.” Nakatalikod pa rin siya sa akin at nakatingin sa malayo.
“Ok.” I whispered, but I’m sure he heard it.
“Wala akong naintindihan sa mga sinabi mo about you not being Hiyo but still you being Hiyo. I know there’s a deep meaning behind it and if you don’t want to tell me, I won’t force you.” He paused, and turned around
“Listen. The first time I saw you, you were dancing on stage. That time competitor ka palang and I’m just one of the audiences. Matagal na akong inaaya nina Gab na bumuo ng CG pero hindi ako pumapayag, until nakita kita. Nakita ko kung gaano ka kasaya sa ginagawa mo then napaisip ako; Kung ako kaya ang magpeperform sa stage ano kaya ang mararamdaman ko? Macoconvey ko kaya ang nararamdaman ko katulad kung paano mo nagawa iyon sa akin? Kaya naman pumayag ako sa alok nina Gab at nagform kami ng CG. And yes I felt something new, for the first time in my life may gusto akong gawin.It’s like I found a path that I want to take, and that’s all because of you.”
“Ipinagpatuloy ko ang pagsasayaw at sa bawat event na kasama kayo ay sumasali kami. Hanggang sa time na hindi na kami sumasali sa mga completion dahil guest na kami, then naimbitahan kami sa isang international event. Yung event na hindi n’yo napuntahan ay kami ang nakasalo at ipinangako ko na ipapanalo ko iyon para sayo at pag naipanalo ko iyon sa susunod na makita kita ay lalapitan na kita. At iyon nga ang nangyari.”
“That day is one of the best day in my life. Thinking that you; the girl that showed me the way is now in front of me. I can’t help but stare at you the entire time. That night while you were asleep, I looked at you to my heart’s content. Yun ang akala ko, kasi hindi pa pala ako kontento. Hindi na ako kontento na tinititigan ka lang sa malayo. I want to for myself. When you tried to kiss me, I want to receive it pero not that way. Gusto ko na ang unang kiss ko sayo ay special to the point na hindi mo ito makakalimutan. I want everything to be special for you because they will be special for me.”
“Nung hinatid kita, the time that I went back saying that I forgot to tell you to take care. That was a stupid lie, I actually forgot to ask for your number. But then I somehow manage to get it and finally summon every courage I have to call you. But I’m so stupid that I didn’t even look at the time and called you at 2 a.m.”
“And just now when I saw you at the restaurant, I thought it was fate that you are my mother’s friend’s niece. When I saw your beautiful face I can’t even stop smiling. And now you telling me that you don’t want to have to do anything with me just fucking breaks me.”
“You are the one that gave life to me, the one to show me how beautiful this dream is. I love you.”
While listening to him I didn’t notice my tears falling. There’s something heavy in my chest that feels comfortable. My stomach is crowded with butterflies. And this is the reason why I don’t want to see him anymore. I don’t want to confirm my real feelings for him. I don’t want to accept the fact that I fell in love.
“So Hiyo or Celina, do you still hate me?” he asked with a bitter smile in his lips.
“Darren or Lyon…”
“Darren. Just call me Darren.” He said
“Ok, Darren. Can you please turn around?” I asked.
“What? Why?”
“Just turn around.”
He followed my request and turned around. Nilapitan ko siya ay isinandal ang nook o sa likod niya.
“Are you ok Hiyo… Celina?” sinubukan niya akong tignan sa likod niya at akmang haharap pero hinawakan ko ang likod niya kaya naman hindi na siya gumalaw.
“Celina. Just Celina. Wag mo muna akong tignan. Ako naman ang magsasalita, kaya makinig ka.”
He then stood still and looked at the sky.
“My true name is Celina, Hiyo is just a screen name. The first time I saw you I didn’t really like you, akala ko kasi katulad ka lang din na iba na iniisip na isa akong liberated and easy-to-get slut. Akala kasi nila katulad ako ng image na pino-portray ko. Wala akong tiwala sa mga lalake na kakikilala ko lang, lalo na yung mga pumoporma sa akin. But then you’re different. You never tried to kiss me on our first meeting. Hindi ka naweirdan at naturn-off sa akin kahit matakaw ako. I saw thru your eyes that you don’t judge me, that you respect me. I was actually happy.”
“I really thank you for that. But then you rejected me, so I thought you don’t like me. I hate the feeling of rejection, so I want to conceal this feeling before it get worse. Kaya nga ako pumayag na sumama kay Tita with her so-called blind date. But it was you, the guy I want to run away from. Kaya instead of preventing it, it worsened. Sa sobrang lala feeling fo sasabog na ako.”
“Celina…”
“No! Hindi pa ako tapos. Kailangan ko itong sabihin dahil kapag hindi ko pa ‘to nailabas ngayon, mababaliw ako!”
I paused and took a deep breath
“I like you… but I can’t.” Tears started to fall one after another. It’s like a river and it won’t stop anytime soon.
“I can’t because I don’t want you to get involve in my complicated self because of my complicated life. I’m not good enough for you, and…”
Bago ko pa matapos ang sasabihin ko ay humarap na si Darren at niyakap ako.
“What the fuck are you saying? You like me right? Then that’s all we need!” he asked.
“Wait Darren, aren’t you listening? I just said I can’t.” at saka ako kumawala sa yakap niya
“You can’t because you don’t want me to get involve in your complicated self and your complicated life but that’s what I wanted all this time! I want you and everything related to you!”
“You don’t understand! It’s something much more complicated than you think!”
“Then try me! I love everything about you, and that everything comes with your problems and insecurities or anything that makes you, YOU!”
“Darren…”
“Just you and me is enough. I love you.”
He again hugged me this time a little loose but warmer. I buried my face into his neck and whispered…
“I love you too… so much.”
