Symphony

39

I sat in the coffee shop the steaming Hot mug in my hands watching as the droplets of rain scattered across the window i sat beside.

My phone hadn't stopped buzzing resulting in me powering it off, i needed to be alone,

Everything was still fresh and just like a freshly cut wound, it would take time to heal,

In this moment i almost feel numb to the ache in my chest, only almost.

Betrayal was something i had experienced many times and yet this time hurts far worse

I had let him in to my life cautiously, him knowing that for a fact it was hard for me to trust and yet he still did this to me.

Asher dov angel used me as a game.

I don't know whats worse to think that everything i knew was a lie or that I actually fell for his games, i really am pathetic.

Im pathetic for believing his lies, pathetic for still loving him and caring for him even after this,

Hot coffees soon turned cold and the rain soon halted but my mood stayed the same.

There are many stages to betrayal

Shock, denial, sadness, anger,  and then there is just numbness for a really long time until you let someone else break down the wall you'd spent years rebuilding for the cycle to just continue.

Thats the thing about betrayal to be betrayed you need to trust and its far easier to just not trust anyone than to be hurt countless times.

I put alot of trust into asher, i let him know everything about me and now im drained,

I dont want to fight, love, hurt, argue i just want to go home, to snuggle up with my blankie i loved as a child and eat cookies while watching marathons of disney movies with caleb and hayden, that is my home but it wasn't there anymore.

There was no more blankie, no more cookies or disney movies and no more caleb.

Then i had my parents it was only for a small amount of time but they were there, three months it lasted their stages of early grief resulted in smothering me, buying me tonnes of clothes, baking almost every night but it was all just a distraction from the fact that without caleb there was no home.

I'm only sixteen.

Asher was it he was my final home, my final shot at happiness and now there is just nothing.

{im always apologizing at the end of chapters haha BUT im sorry for not posting in 5 days AND im sorry this is so repetitive and rushed :/}