Symphony

41

I stood outside the house we had spent most of our days in.

Taking a deep breath and walking towards the door, raising my hand in a fist and knocking against the hard white wood.

For quite some time there was no answer so i tried again still absolutely nothing, i could wait?

Johnny had said asher should be here so where was he.

I can help the uneasy feeling i get wondering if he is with someone else especially when standing in-front of the house filled with so much wonderful memories and yet also so many lies.

I drag myself over to the bench we had built our initials carved into it, taking a seat a shiver runs down my spine at the thought of talking him again.

I tugged the sleeves of my denim jacket over my hands to keep them warm,

Happily seated, i glance over to the house, it was truly a beautiful place even back when the window panes were shattered and wood rotting, it was beautiful.

Hayden talked about closure, what would that be?

Am i even ready to get closure because logically closure means ending something, the final strings being cut.

But im so tied down to asher that those strings are in one massive knot and getting closure won't do anything it'll just make those knots bigger.

Just like an addict they can spend months getting better and recovering but if they are given that thing they are addicted too when they aren't strong enough to reject it, then those months were wasted they spiral and fall back into that place where they're nothing but an addict.

Asher is a drug to me, he's bad for me but he makes me feel good even if that is just temporary

Sitting here i find myself comparing our situation to hardin and tessa from after.

Hardin is terrible for her, he treated her horribly but she made him a better person, she loved him.

Was I capable of forgiving asher like tessa had done multiple times with hardin?

Yes i think i could.

But I don't think i could ever trust him again.

And that was enough to make me realise that being here was stupid,  if i forgive him and we try again there will always be that part of me that doesn't trust him.

As i stood to my feet i made the final decision that what we had was gone and it had to stay that way, for my sake.

I set off onto the path mentally cursing myself out for even coming here when I collided right into someone.

He catches my shoulders and steadies me his green eyes meeting mine in shock,

There are predominant eye bags below them but they still look perfect,

"Annie" his voice is hoarse and hearing the way my name rolls of his tongue makes me shiver

"I-I was just leaving" my voice comes out in a stutter and i want to slap myself for sounding so vulnerable,

"No!" He exclaims then screws his eyes shut "i mean please don't, can we talk?"

My brain screams at me to say no and leave but my feet have a different idea when i turn around and head back towards the house, asher following close behind.

{hi if you haven't read after on wattpad you totally should 😉}