It's so difficult,
it's unimaginable,
It's seems to be unattainable.
The words that I write are a faction of what
is going on inside my twisted mind.
Hugs and kisses from friends,
encouragement from my family,
And kind words
keep me sane.
They don't know that inside,
past the layers of kindness and empathy,
is a beast that can't be tamed,
a void of where my feelings left.
Bags under my eyes from haunting nights,
migraines from restless days,
tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to stand and watch
as people kiss, laugh, and hug?
To know that you're completely alone?
That you're completely and undeniably alone?
Whether my friends are right next to me,
I'm replaced like an old phone.
By someone else.
Better,
smarter,
more caring,
and just...alive.
I'm used to it,
watching friends go away
and never come back.
I'm just lowering my expectations
for others and waiting for the last to leave.
I'm scared,
I'm so so scared, brother.
From my past to my future,
I'm left to deal with everything alone.
Left alone to shoulder the pain,
the cold,
the depression.
I scared for anyone to get close.
Please understand,
it's hard to write down these fears.
I'm so scared of people.
I'm so scared of the fact that I'm so used to it.
