It's like having my lips shut
and my feelings physically locked.
No one ever wonders
what I'm thinking when I quiet.
The thoughts are bruising me
unmercifully.
One day, my friend asked me if I would like to come to her party.
"I'm sorry. I don't think my parents'll let me." I once said.
I'm sorry. I don't want to be surrounded.
One day, my sister asked if I would like to go somewhere.
I shook my head.
I don't want to go. There are people there.
One day I had an argument with a girl.
She asked my why I was 'selfish' and 'mean.'
"My father raised me that way- y-y'know."
I never expected anyone to help me. I had to raise myself.
"So, he taught you how to be selfish?" The girl snapped.
"No-"
I was my own mother.
As I was my own father.
"Wow. Great, thanks."
I hid my feelings and thoughts-
who knew they would back-fire?
What can't you understand?
Well...I can't expect anything.
I don't even know myself.
One day, I fought tooth-and-nail with my mother.
The only way I could fight and participate in this combat
was to stare and glare.
I could not speak.
She said. "Why can you spend nine hours talking to that boy instead of me?!"
I stayed silent.
It's because he understands.
"I have been with you for 14 years!"
I stayed silent.
He is brother and has been there when you weren't here (all the freaking time).
"Why can't you talk to me?"
I couldn't speak!
I had to spend the first eight years of my life mute! You never noticed. You never noticed the bruises and those nights.
"Do you really care about him?"
I nodded.
I love him. He's my older brother. He never left me behind. He lifted me up on his angel wings.
"Why is he so special?"
I finally spoke.
"Because he keeps me alive."
