Love more (urban)

2

Sunday 12th September

It was now Sunday, the day before I leave and head off to Coventry. Yesterday I had a nice meal with my family and today I'll just be packing up my last little bits.

I was mostly prepared, I had all my clothes in a few flexi tubs and Suitcases. The rest of my stuff were in containers. Half of my things were in my car and the rest were in my parents' car which was handy.

I went downstairs to be greeted by my parents and siblings sitting around the table.

"TIONNNNNNNN, you're home?" I screamed when I saw my brother sitting around the table with my nephew kye

"Omg I missed you soooo much, hello kye kye" I cooed at my 2 year old nephew.

I took kye from tion and placed him on my hip, bouncing him up and down.

"What you saying though little sis?" Tion questioned as he hugged me

"Yeah I'm good, I've missed you. You haven't been down in forever"

" well you know I've gotta pattern things with my babymum and kye, so don't seem so surprised. I missed you too though sissy" he smiled

"So you didn't miss me nah?" Tamiah questioned trying to sound sad

This girls a maker, she really doesn't even get along with tion.

"Of course I have. Now kimayah is off to uni, you'll have my undivided attention" tion stated, with sarcasm laced in his tone

We all sat at the table conversing and 'eating' well they were eating.. I pushed the food around on my plate as the nerves started to kick in..

You control the anxiety, the anxiety doesn't control you.

The wise words of my mother replayed in my head at times like this.

I stopped taking my anxiety and depression medicine as it'd make me unbelievably happy.. almost as if my happiness was artificial, if you get what I mean? My mood would change almost instantly and it wasn't normal.

I've came over my depression, well that's what I thought...
But my bestfriend, we call her Anxiety, she's stuck to me like a leech. She cannot live without me, I've tried to kill her on multiple occasions but she doesn't get the gist. I've tried to unfriend her but it's as if she doesn't know how to detach herself from me. I love it when she's asleep, without her I'm a whole different person, it's like she stops me from pursing my dreams. I have a bucket load of confidence when she takes a holiday, but that happiness doesn't last long. She's my only friend, which is sad.. she doesn't want to let me go because she's afraid I'll be alone. I'd rather be alone then be with her.. but I've had to accept it.. she's apart of me, she's with me forever. I've now gotta learn how to keep her under control because if she's angry, she can get a bit wild and we both wouldn't want that.

I sighed as my thoughts were now interrupted by several pairs of eyes starring into my soul.. I looked up from my table and smiled..

"Are you gonna eat that kimayah?" Tion questioned

" ermmm no I'm not hungry"

Without hesitation he grabbed my plate and started to dig into whatever I had left over, luckily for him everything was left untouched.. besides a quarter of a slice of toast.

I started to scroll through my phone.. I had no friends apart from Adam at work. He was the only actual person that I could call my friend, besides this bitch anxiety.. I chuckled to myself at my strange thoughts.

My parents continued to stare at me.

"Problem?" I questioned

My dad furrowed his eyebrows. He's a big softy and he certainly doesn't scare me, so when he tries to be firm with me, it makes me giggle.

" kimayah, what's actually wrong with you? You don't seem yourself? If you're worried about uni, we can put it off until next year, if that's what you want?"

Hell yeah kimayah, that's what we want. - Anxiety

" well yeah I wouldn't mind... (pause) actually no. I'm fine. We can't keep postponing things because of my mental health guys, I can do it" I said with such excitement..

I knew if I kept letting anxiety get in my way, I'd get nowhere. I had to shut her down, she wants to rule my life, but I won't let her.

"Are you sure?" He questioned once more

Don't second guess it kimayah, you'll be fine.

"Kion, did you not hear her the first time? She said she'll do it, lef her nuh" my mum fussed

They went back and forth for a while

"Alright man, I love you both. Please give it a rest. When I'm gone you lot can argue and do Tamiah's head in as MUCH as you like" I stated, putting emphasis on the 'much'

"If you weren't leaving tomorrow, you would've been grounded kimayah" my dad stated.

I rolled my eyes. I'm kind of happy'ish that I'll get some peace and quiet. I do like my own space, yet I feel so alone, Alone with only my thoughts.

It's actually deep that I have no friends, you know. I'm always either at work or at home, I've never been to a party before, I've only been to a lil Keed concert with Tion and Tamiah. My siblings are literally my only friends.

In school I had a friend called Sienna, she switched up on me for the popular people. I accepted it, I'm the type who's the shy girl in the crowd and she's the type to stand out with the loud people. So we were never really compatible but I did cherish our weird friendship. Eh, oh well..

I played with kye until I fell asleep on the sofa. I had a very eventful morning ahead of me, so I had to catch some Zzzzzzz's.

5:30am, Monday 13th September.

I woke up in my bed, strange? Because I fell asleep on the sofa. Tion Probably carried me up here.

I looked in the mirror to see my messy straightened hair now In a big puff. I decided to shower and wash my hair. Considering everyone was asleep, I decided to have a nice pampering session. I applied some false lashes and brushed out my long curls and slicked it into a long side part ponytail.

My nails were freshly done, in white in the shape square and my toes were also white. I decided to just put on a grey Nike tech fleece trackie and some grey and white nike slides.

Nothing too special, besides I'm just moving in so I don't even care much. I tied a headscarf on my head to set my hair.

I jogged downstairs and switched on the television, to be greeted visually with 'good morning Britain' this just reminded me how early it was.

I slumped down in my seat and my parents and siblings came downstairs looking all groggy.

Baby kye ran over to me and I picked him up and started to rock him. I'm gonna miss my nephew maynnnnn.

"Yayyy you're finally leaving, I'm gonna take your room because mines too small" Tamiah stated happily

I mushed her in her head and gave her a hug, I know she'll miss me, I'll miss her annoying self too.

"Kimayah, I love you sis. I can't lie, I will miss you" she hugged me..

"I'll miss you too maynnn. You can come for sleepovers too" I said

About an hour later, we were packed up and on our way. We all drove our cars there. I had Tamiah in my car, tion and kye In his car and my mum and dad in the other. Let's just say each and everyone of us had a handful of MY stuff in all the cars.

"What times your move in time kimayah?" Tamiah questioned

"10am, lets go stop off at the petrol station and buy some snacks because this 3 hour journey is gonna be very tiring" I sighed as I looked at the Navigation system which indicated we had 3hours more until we reach the university of Coventry.

Off to Coventry we go..