Under the Bad Boy's Spell

Death Brings Darkness

All that came into my teary vision was the depressing colour black. The people standing around the coffin looked like ants scattered around an empty patch of land, the few that were there. Some of them looked truly sad and some stared at my father as if they were glad he was dead. I tore my gaze from the coffin and my eyes rested on my mother who stood stiffly next to me, her hands clutching the wet handkerchief. I reached for her hand and squeezed it supportingly. Not only did we lose a father, but my mother lost her only true love.
As my mother and I watched the coffin sink deeper into the ground, we could not hold back the sobs that escaped our lips. It was the the last time I would see my father.

**********

I woke with a start and brushed away the crease between my eyebrows before I wiped away the droplets of sweat on my forehead with the back of my hand. It had been two years since my father passed away, but I still had recurring nightmares about his death. It was hard to move on due to my mother's longing for her loving husband.
I had to stay strong, for her sake. I have been at a psychiatrist plenty of times, but she pushed me too far, always asking me to dig deeper into more painful memories with my dad, so I stopped my sessions.
The strong whiff of coffee wafted through the house, practically filling all four walls of my room with its addictive scent.
I jumped into my slippers and draped my gown over my shoulders before I ran down the stairs two at a time. My mom leaned against the kitchen counter with the morning's paper under her nose. She was dressed formally in her lawyer attire and her caramel hair was pulled up into a tight bun.
"Court case?" I asked as my eyes roamed across her body.
"Becca dear," Her eyes scanned my face and her brows furrowed, "You've had another nightmare."
I plunged into a chair by the kitchen table and pulled the plate of pancakes closer and sprayed them with syrup. I started to munch down on the food.
"What gives you that idea, mom?" I asked, playing oblivious to the fact that she caught the right assumption.
"You told me they stopped. That's why I agreed to end your sessions with Dr Sabrina."
I prevented eye-contact with her. When I heard the ruffle of the newspaper, I knew she had closed it to pay her full attention to me. I forced my gaze away from the empty plate and forced them look into my mother's eyes.
"It was the first one in six months." I lied as I clearly remembered the nightmares of the previous days.
"Should I call Dr Sabrina and schedule a session for you after school?" My mom asked. She had already switched on her phone.
I rose from the chair and placed both my hands on the cold surface of the counter, trying to calm myself down by gripping the edges.
"That won't be necessary, mom. Like I said, it was the first one in a long period of time. They always come around this time of the year."
My voice broke off and was barely a whisper. A sharp, shooting pain shot straight through my heart. In two weeks' time, my dad would be officially gone for two years. It was amazing how raw the memories of that horrific day still was. The day I watched my father die right in front of me and I couldn't do anything to prevent it - nothing.
My mom's face fell and her eyes were swimming with the loss of her husband. She engulfed me into a bear-hug and gave me a kiss on my temple.
"We will visit him today after you come home from school, Becca."
My mom usually went to see my dad when it came close to the anniversary of his death. I, on the other hand, tried to visit him as frequently as possible.
"Do you mind if I go alone today, mom? I kind of want to talk to him and you know I don't like an audience when discussing private affairs with my dad."
She held me at arm length and pushed a stubborn curl out of my face. She smiled and caressed my cheeks with her thumbs.
"Sure sweetheart. I will pop around after work." She said understandably.
Even though my mother was grieving, she always made the effort to understand me and never questioned why I dealt with my father's death in such a peculiar way.
"Hurry up and get changed, honey."
I opened my cupboard and swiftly scanned the stacks of clothes for something to wear. I settled for a skinny jean, a red jersey and my white converses before I followed my mom's lead and pulled my hair up into a messy bun allowing curls to hang down my face.
I reversed my car out of the garage and rode off to school: Fanning High.
On my way, I stopped by the nearest gas station and bought myself a hot chocolate before proceeding my drive to school. I passed the graveyard and my eyes were glued to the tombstone on the highest hill.
"Hi daddy." I whispered.
I always made it a priority to drive by and give him a good morning everyday on my way to school. As I drove past, I could strongly sense his presence, like he was sitting next to me in the car and just staring at me without saying a word. Just staring, like he always did.
I lifted my glasses and wiped away my tears, before placing the glasses back on correctly. I was not in the mood to wear my contact lenses so I wore my glasses instead.