"Alex what the fuck did you do." Alex's mom yelled through his bedroom door.
"Go away." Alex whined pulling his pillow over his face.
"It's fucking 2 in the afternoon." She burst through the door pulling the pillow off his face and throwing it across the room. "What did you say to Jack?"
"Not worth waking me up for. Bye." he ducked under the duvet, but his mom wasn't having it.
"I'm not up for your bullshit today Alex. Ms. Kassen called this morning. She hasn't heard from Jack since tuesday. He hasn't been showing up to school and no one has seen him. I know you have something to do with this. I'm going to give you one chance. What the fuck did you say to that boy?" She spit through gritted teeth.
"Nothing. Well we had a class together Tuesday morning. Haven't seen him since. But I didn't say anything," Alex mumbled, sitting up to face her.
"Alex. Don't lie." She broke down, a tear falling from her cheek.
"Why do you even care? He's not your son. You barely know the kid."
"I've heard stories Alex. There are things you don't know." She sat down beside him, cupping her face in her hands. "Jack has a problem okay. A very serious problem."
"Oh what, he's gay? Haha I guessed." Alex chuckled darkly to himself, remember the look on the boys face when Alex had made the penis joke.
"Oh god Alex why can't you just be serious for once?! Yes. Yes he's attracted to men. But that's not the problem. He fucking cuts himself ok. He's suicidal. But of course who wouldn't be after what he's been through. Poor kid can't take it anymore. I know he's none of my business but I just can't sit back and watch him take his life. I just can't" She tried to continue but her voice failed and the sobs broke through, stopping her mid sentence.
"Please tell me you're kidding?" Alex moaned. His mom didn't answer, but the glare she gave him was answer enough. "Fucking Barakat." He cursed, picking a pair of track pants off the floor and throwing on an old v-neck before jogging down the stair, leaving his mother with her tears.
"Where the fuck would I go if I wanted to kill myself?" Alex asked himself. The October air was bitterly nipping at his red cheeks. He wandered around his neighborhood before deciding to start back at the last place he had seen Jack, crossing the back field at the school.
In just under 10 minutes he managed to make his way to the big tree. He was beginning to feel naseaus. Why the hell did he care if some emo faggot killed himself? It wouldn't effect him in anyway. They hadn't seen him since Tuesday, it was Saturday, if he was going to do himself in the deed would be done by now. But even though Alex kept convincing himself he didn't care, his stomach was in knots. He needed to see the younger boy to make sure he was ok, he needed to.
"JACK" He screamed through the deserted lot. He was almost to the edge of the forest now and his heart was racing. He needed to know Jack was ok. It was his fault he ran. If only he hadn't been such a fucking douchebag. Calling him a faggot. It was 100% true, but he didn't have to say it. Some things should just stay in his head, he thought. He started sprinting throught the trees. There was a clearing just ahead, he knew that. First place he'd fucked Sam. He hated how he used the word fucked. It should be so much more than that. He lost his virginity to that girl, but there was no emotion behiind it. It was robotic. He had gone through the motions, but that was it. The memories flooded in as he reached the opening in the trees. But he didn't have time to reminisce. There he was. Jack. Lying on the bench. He was skin and bone, the once chubby cheeks gone. His skin was almost translucent. Alex was scared to go up to him. What if he was really dead? His heart stopped and on pure adrenaline, he ran over to the ghost like figure.
"Jack? Jack, Jack please, please no Jack." He choked, kneeling in front of the bench where the other male laid with his knees to his chin, Alex grabbed the boys wrist. No scars. He sighed in relief, but he knew everything was far from ok. "Jack? Jack answer me ok please answer" He pleaded, cupping the frail face in his hands. The blue veins in his face were prominent. His skin was like ice. His eyes opened, only for a second, barely a flutter, but it was enough to make Alex's heart melt.
"Alex? W-what are y-y-you doing h-here?" Jack struggled fiercely to move his blue lips.
"Jack, oh thank god, baby I'm here it's ok." He pulled off his jacket and placed it over Jack's bare arms.
"Baby?"
"Excuse me?"
"You called me baby. D-don't lie. I h-h-heard y-you." Jack whispered, forcing a smile.
"You're right. I did." Alex admitted, locking onto the younger boy's gaze.
Jack decided this was his time to make a move. He leaned closer into Alex, feeling his hot breath against his raw skin. He knew he was in no way attractive at the moment, he knew he was on the verge of hypothermia, but he didn't care, he needed to feel Alex's lips against his. Nothing else mattered, as ridiculous as that was. He looked at the other males lips, and back into his eyes. He could see the fear, but he could see the same yearning that he himself felt. He knew Alex wanted it just as much as he did.
"We better get back to my place before my mom has a mental breakdown." Alex blurted out, standing up and starting on his way.
"O-okay." Jack choked, stunned by the sudden rejection. Slowly he got up and followed in Alex's path, unable to run to catch up.
"Jack! Oh thank god you're okay. You had me scared to death. Go heat up by the fire dear." Alex's mom ran to the door and took her son's jacket off of the younger boy nudging him towards the living room.
"I'm fine, really, I don't want to impose." Jack said meekly.
"Oh for fuck's sake boy go into that god damn living room and sleep." She barked, making Jack's face light up. "Alex will keep you company."
"Can I use this blanket Alex?" Jack asked politely, making his way toward the fireplace.
"Do I look like I give a fuck?" Alex snapped, grabbing the remote and flopping himself onto the sofa.
"I'm confused.."
"Haha damn right you are, faggot."
"At the park, I um, I kind of thought that you, uh you.."
"That I wanted to kiss you?" Alex exploded into a fit of forced laughter. "That's a good one."
"But.."
"Sorry bro, I'm not into anal." Alex laughed, but he was dying on the inside. He knew he was lying right to the boy's face, but what else could he do? Alex Gaskarth was not gay. He had feelings for Jack, but that was different. Jack wasn't a guy... he was... just Jack. But no one would understand that. They would think he wanted penis up his ass. No, he would just have to hold his tongue and hope Jack would get the message and fuck off.
"Oh.." Jack murmured, laying the blanket on the floor and laying in front of the fire. The heat burned his skin, but he would take that pain over the pain Alex had just inflicted on him any day.
